Fox Spy
by Crystal-Psycho
Summary: March 9th. "I’ll deny that we bathed together if somebody asks. Seriously, the fact that he stripped in front of me and then slept with me on the same bed without boxers is hard enough to digest." --SasuNaru, AU--
1. Explian?

**F**o**x**_**Sp**_**y

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**

By Crystal Psycho

Summary: March 9th. I'll deny that we bathed together. Seriously, the fact that he stripped in front of me and then slept with me on the same bed without boxers is hard enough to digest. [SasuNaru, fox!Naruto

NOTE: Mamashi Kishimoto's characters, names and sort of universe. Written in Naruto's POV.

Warnings: REALLY bad language, smut scenes in later chapters (it even has a little het :D)

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P_ro__**l**_**o**g_**u**__e_: Explain?

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First of all, let's get you into the mood, alright? Think about a warm, spring day in Konoha. 

Well, not Konoha you know – of course, there can't be possibly drug-deals issues in the Konoha we all love and cherish… right…?

Right. Ahem.

So the Konoha we're going to talk about is almost the same Konoha that you know. Except there's a little difference. A tiny bitsy difference.

Those who are qualified for the ANBU, go to 'ANBU Academy' which is just like high-school for snobs and bitches.

Those who aren't qualified are stuck doing stupid mission till the end of their pathetic life.

Like me, for example. Such a good talent going to waste! Blind examiners!

Oh, sorry. Where was I? Oh yeah, A bright, sunny warm spring day in Konoha.

On that bright day, I sat in the old hag's office, playing with her pig and burning papers and scribbling down things on the scattered papers. The old hag won't even notice.

To think that the next Hokage of the Hidden leaf is doing nothing at all when he could save the world by killing some rich dudes and freeing slaves in some poor country.

"Naruto…?" Sakura entered the room, yawning in the process. "You finished the paperwork?"

Sakura is tall (taller than me, but I'm 16 and still growing!), slim and beautiful. We're friends from kindergarten, which is why I am absolutely perfect for her.

She stared at the burned papers around the room and sighed. "Tsunade-sama is calling you."

"Finally, an A-ranked mission!" I yelled. Sakura snorted, walking away.

"Should I close the office?"

"No need, she'll be over with handing out the missions in an hour and have all the time in the world to yell at you for the mess."

I laughed, catching up to her.

When we entered the hall, I noticed all that the fifth Hokage was already tired and had one finger rubbing her temples, better not to piss her off like that.

"Alright, Naruto. I'm sending you off to spy on the Uchiha Boy."

"Eh? Me? Haven't we agreed someone else is going to do that mission?"

"There's no one else. There's nobody as good as you are in transforming."

"But-"

"And you don't have to be a girl again, you need to be a cat or a dog… or something like that…"

"But I-"

"I said you're the only one for the job!" She yelled, her big boobs hitting the table. I frowned. "If this mission will succeed and we'll catch the responsible, I'll see what I can do about the ANBU Academy for you."

I considered the offer for a few seconds. At least I won't be stuck doing C-ranked missions, but then I would be stuck enduring snobs. Yet I'll be able to enter a proper place to make it into elite teams (not that I'm not an elite ninja already!). Tempting.

I sighed heavily and nodded.

Two months ago, Tsunade, the fifth Hokage of Konoha has been reported that there have been many drug deals in the surroundings.

Even though she wasn't sure of the reliability of the reports, she has been convinced that it was so. Tsunade had called the best elite ninja's of village, as in Shikamaru the (lazy) genius, Chouji (Shikamaru's best friend) that usually had sudden brilliant ideas once in a while, and Sakura who had been the smartest girl even in the academy days. They all investigated, and to the shock and surprise, all the clues lead to the bad-boy of Konoha ANBU Academy; Uchiha Sasuke.

Sakura fainted, Shikamaru said it's troublesome and Chouji finished a package of chips.

Sasuke Uchiha was a complete asshole stuck-up. Even though I met him twice; he was the all-goodie-goodie boy with high-grades, too much ego and one hell of a weird hair-cut. For some reasons all the teacher flavored him and all the girls idolized him like a sex-god. Nothing much to look it: skinny-yet-muscular guy with a girly face. He should be in some gay boy band, and sing one of those crappy songs about how miserable he is and why love hurts. To conclude it all, Sasuke Uchiha was a bastard from birth, an emo from kindergarten, and a convict in Konoha Prison from the day he met me – Because I, Great Naruto Uzumaki, shall be the one who put him there in first place.

That's why I became a spy for the Uchiha family.

**…

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**

**…**

**A/N: Hello, fellow 'fan-fic'er. If you are reading this, please do mind, that my mother language is not English, and that I have no beta. Thank you. :D**

**I also do like (very much) reviews. So please, be nice and leave me a review.**

I have so much on my head right now; I wouldn't know where to start my rumbling.

I guess I should start by: '**why am creating a new fic when there are three more I'm not updating?**' Well… I don't know. I want to upload all the stories that have gathered in my years of not moving my ass inside Also, Diaper Sharingan and FFT are written when I'm in the mood for a laugh.

This is going to be a 'kind-of-funny-but-they-love-each-other-so-boo-hoo!' story. I hope that made sense. :D

**Next week, Next chapter!**

**Be sure you **_**REVIEW**_**ED. Because it makes me want to write more! And if I write more, you get more. (You shall recieve special cookies:D)**

**Bye-Bye!**

**Special cookie with spicy-dream-chocolate-chip, for you!**


	2. One: Unbreakable Spy

**F**o**x**_**Sp**_**y**

By Crystal Psycho

Summary: March 9th. I'll deny that we bathed together. Seriously, the fact that he stripped in front of me and then slept with me on the same bed without boxers is hard enough to digest. [SasuNaru, fox!Naruto

NOTE: Mamashi Kishimoto's characters, names and sort of universe. Written in Naruto's POV.

Warnings: REALLY bad language, smut scenes in later chapters (it even has a little het :D)

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ONE: _Un_break**able** S_p__**y

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**_

_Saturday, 4__th_

_Day 0_

What animal do pricks like Sasuke like? Why don't you guess? I rolled my eyes at Sakura's stupid behavior.

She was blushing so hard it was hard to restrain my self control. "Sasuke-kun likes snakes, surely." She smiled, and brought a finger to her cheek as if thinking. "But it will look suspicious if I brought him a snake. Right?"

Good. I'm not good at wriggling and I might accidentally choke to death the main suspect. I nodded, watching as Sakura murmured to herself and blushed harder. "When we were seven we were told to investigate and write essay about our favorite summon animal, and he wrote about dogs. So a dog will do."

"Alright." I exhaled some breathe and made the seals fast.

"Quickly, here he comes, here he comes!" Ino, Sakura's friend yelled from one of the rooftops.

She jumped down to us and tried arranging her hair so it will be pretty. Sakura smiled down at me and took me to the hands. I looked like a perfectly innocent husky mutt.

Ino cleared her throat.

A second after, the broody, smug-looking teen passed the corner, without even blinking our way.

"Ah! What should we do?!" Yelled the Yamanaka and dramatically clapped a hand over her forehead.

Sakura's sad look was enough to tear a heart from his chest. "I don't know, poor thing." They started touching me and scratching behind my ear. Ah, it was so relaxing; being an animal is so much fun, squashed to Sakura's breasts, being loved. Ah.

The asshole walked right past us.

Ino frowned for a while and then took me into her hands. she blocked the Uchiha's way. "Hay, Sasuke-kun!" She exclaimed, happy and blushing. He nodded her way, glanced at me as I tried to bark out something and look all pretty and shiny. "Uchiha." Was all he said. She looked confused so he explained; "For you, my name is Uchiha." He glared her way; his eyes piercing through her sculpt.

She blushed so heavily, I almost shot myself. Her hands trembled and I heard her heart beating fast. I frowned. Stupid girls with their stupid crushes. "I… um… I…" Ino stuttered for words. Sakura grabbed me from her brutally, and smiled. He diverted his glare at her, but Sakura's stronger than stupid Ino, and could resist the 'Sasuke-asshole-beam!'

"We found him in the garbage in the morning. Cute, isn't he?"

Garbage? Like someone would believe a pretty animal like one -with my beautiful dark brown fur- will ever be founded in such places, even that snob would say that I'm the best doggy-

"No wonder, he looks so dirty if you found him in the garbage. You might want to give him a shower too. Goodbye."

ASSHOLE! LITTLE MOTHER-FUCKER ---

"Well, actually." Sakura avoided his gaze. "My mom is allergic and Ino can't take him since she already has two cats. We were wondering if maybe-"

"Sorry, my brother's pet snake will eat him alive-"

SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!

"And I hate dogs." With that he walked away.

…

…

…

What do we do now?

I'll have to somehow lure him into my charm without Sakura and Ino's help.

So if he hates dogs, he has to like cats, right? He'll probably like a darker cat rather than a blonde one, so a grey little kitten shall do. Or maybe a female snake, so he'll think of it as a playmate to his brother's snake. But then I'll have to endure snake-sex. Oh god, no.

Maybe he'll like a bird?

Oh fuck, he's coming this way! What if he sees my true form, then he'll probably suspect something if he'll catch me off guard! Or even worse, he'll know I'm not an animal because of the scent. Oh, man- quick- AH. I'm a-

So I transformed into the next the thing I had in mind. Just in time for that asshole to step on my three tails. Fuck, that hurt. I hissed loudly and turned around to stare at his foot – it didn't take a second until I attacked, snarling and biting his leg, my sharp claws digging into his flesh.

He blinked at first, and then smirked, smudging my tails with his leg like a cigarette.

"Ummm…?" he smugly said, picking me – a poor orange-furred fox with huge blue eyes - up by the nape. "What do we have here?" he asked as I tried to escape.

I don't want to be snake food! I don't want to! I don't want to! Please someone help me! Fuck this, I better transform into a girl.

I hissed at the bastard again.

"You're kind of cute, you know."

I'm doomed!!!

Oh, wait. Does it mean he'll take me to his home? Mission success.

"But first, we'll have to shower you. No way am I letting you inside the house with that reeking smell."

I just came out of shower. Jerk.

…

…

…

The house where the bastard lived in wasn't as big as I imagined. He also didn't have the perfect mother-as-a-housewife at home. He looked around the dark hallway. "Itachi, you home?" was all he said and when no answer came he tossed me to a room and locked me inside.

I huffed. Butt-wipe, he should be reported for animal abuse. I'm not a fucking thing to be tossed around. I stood up, raising my head and tail high and walking around the dark room.

I sniffled around the darker corners to find some suspicious smell, but found none. I jumped on the chair and from there to the table.

Only then I understood it was the dinning room. There was nothing else but a glass-and-wood closet with all kinds of pretty plates on the view, a round table and a few chairs.

It also smelled dusty, so I figured it hadn't been used quite a while. The window-door to the yard was shut down. The yard looked pretty clean; he wondered whether Sasuke took care of the pretty flowers and the lawn. It would be funny to see him dirty and messy and smelling the flower with an angelic expression on his snobbish face.

Faggot.

That instant Sasuke appeared in the yard, glanced at me and smirked. He was carrying a huge bowl that looked like a bath for babies. No way am I getting in there. Then he emptied one bottle of soap and two more of shampoo inside, and added water from the hose in the yard.

I yelped when he waved at me, his smirk widening. There must be an escape.

Somewhere.

I looked around. Better to hide and wait for him to open the door. I jumped from the table, tricked him into thinking that I hided inside one of the corners and sneaked underneath the closet.

"Come out; come out, wherever you are, foxy."

Oh, that's _so_ cliché.

"Come on, you know you can't hide forever." He opened the door finally. I snickered with joy and leaped for it, but he stepped on my tail **again**.

"Not doing a run-for-it, are you?"

Yes, I am. I hissed and wriggled with pain. He only released my tail when he bent down and picked me up, by my three **violated** tails.

I'm going to donate to that stop-harassing-animals comminute after this will be over.

Then for more than fifteen minutes I struggled for my life as he tried to drawn me. The smell was killing me too, it was so strong and so girly I wanted to die on the spot.

But I will not give in to his hands. If I'll ever die in this god forsaken place, I promised to my self – I'll come back from hell to kill him.

…

…

…

The smell of honey and vanilla was all over me. I got used to it pretty quickly.

It was warm and cozy, even though the towel and my fur were still wet. At least I got to watch my favorite show.

I looked up at his bored face.

Drug-deal, missions, I really didn't care what this asshole was messed with; the minute he'll fall asleep I'll run for my life.

I'll deny any connection what so ever to the fact that it was nice, wrapped inside a towel in his arms. He really has strong hands and his chest is firm and muscular, and his breathes soothing me away from awareness. His finger founded her way on my chin. "You calmed down?"

No. must escape…

He rubbed it affectingly.

MUST. RESIST.

"Wait until Itachi will see you."

I hope Itachi isn't your fucking boyfriend, and both of you will make horrid experiments on me, like, for example, try to mate me with his snake. But I do hope Itachi is your boyfriend, that way I could proudly say that you're a big fat homo, and continue living my life. Don't… don't scratch there…. Er… your fingers _are_ magical…

"Naughty foxy, purring like that…"

I DID NOT PURR.

The Uchiha lifted me and rubbed his nose on mine.

Mine was wet, and I shivered from the cold that suddenlly, since I was still wet. I looked like a rat since my beautiful wonderful tails shrunk to the size of a rat's tail. It's all your fault, asshole. Don't stare at me.

I looked away, huffing and puffing. He smelled of shampoo just as much as I did. Sasuke blinked when I sneezed accidentally.

Do foxes sneeze? Did I just blow out my cover?

He took me inside the bathroom and opened one of the draws on the cabinet to reveal a blow-dryer. It figures he needed a blow-dryer to fix his hair like woman, but it was still funny to see him know how to use it. God, he's too sassy.

I mewled when I felt the warm air covering me, my fur flew everywhere, but it was warm and nice and I liked it. When he finished and put me on the cabinet, so he could return the thing inside the drawer, I stared with myself with a raised eyebrow.

I looked like a ball of fur. I mewled angrily at him, trying to say that he's a jerk, a bitch, an asshole, that he destroyed my perfect fur, and immediately started licking myself, to make it look better.

He picked me up by the tail again. "It doesn't look that bad." He said like he understood.

Don't believe him, IT DOES.

I tried my best to claw his hand or bite some part of him, but no luck, he was holding me by the tail and it was painful enough. It felt as if he's trying to tear to pull it out. I struggled a bit more, but I felt too tired.

"Brother, you home?" came a voice.

"Itachi." He let go of me and I fall on floor. Thank god I ended up on my legs this time. I followed him out of the bathroom.

The door is opened.

Freedom beyond the door. A weird guy that looks like Sasuke stands between me and freedom. I knew they were all snobs, but this is just hilarious; they look the same just like clones. A twin maybe? No, they do have a little difference, and Itachi's voice sounds a little deeper than Sasuke's. But they are almost same height. The have the same pale skin, and the piercing coal eyes…

"Where were you?" Sasuke inquired. He acts like a worried wife. Hehe…

"I went to Shisui's after the mission. Why? Oh my god!!! Look at that cutie-little-orange thingy!"

HOLY CRAP! I must run!

I leaped on my legs and started for the door but Sasuke stepped on me and pinned me to the floor with his leg.

"Oh, Sasu. Don't step on him! Look how pretty he is. Where did you find him?" the guy took me to his arms - at least not by the tail - but then he attempted to choke me alive as he hugged me.

"He was wondering around town, I guess. He's so short; I accidentally stepped on his tail."

I narrowed my eyes on the younger brother. I AM NOT SHORT. It's an average fox height!

"I wonder what foxes eat."

I'll be just fine eating your brother's ears, thank you very much. Maybe he'll die in his sleep if I'll cut his throat. Calling me short. Why, you… tall bastard.

"I always wanted a pet. Thanks little brother. Give 'tachi a brotherly kiss."

"Get out of my sight, freak-o."

"SEE? That's why I need a pet, because you don't love me."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. I mewled.

Wait… Don't leave me with your brother; he's way scarier and gayer than you are!

Sasuke turned around, like could understand Naruto's words. "I just had an idea. Since you do have two snakes-"

"But Orochi-chan doesn't move much. And Kisa-chan doesn't move either. They don't even do love. It's sad."  
I HOPE IN GOD YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MATE ME WITH YOUR SNAKES.

"-I think, this thing belongs to me."

"Oh come on Sasu."

"No, he's mine."

With that I was pulled and dragged on the floor by my tails to his room.

Abusive family.

…

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…

**A/N: Hello, fellow 'fan-fic'er. If you are reading this, please do mind, that my mother language is not English, and that I have no beta. Thank you. :D**

**I also do like (too much) reviews. So please, be nice and leave me a review.**

Hi again:D

I told you OOC-Itachi has my socks.

It's a rushed update, so I'm very sorry! I'm making big efforts to do this right! Don't judge me! Fluffy Naruto… mmmnnn… Sasu's too lucky. Next chapter I'll make him suffer a bit. Hehe.

_**REVIEW**_**. So I could leave Cookies to everybody!**

**Bye-Bi!**


	3. Two: Cookies

**F**o**x**_**Sp**_**y**

By Crystal Psycho

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Summary: March 9th. I'll deny that we bathed together. Seriously, the fact that he stripped in front of me and then slept with me on the same bed without boxers is hard enough to digest. [SasuNaru, fox!Naruto

NOTE: Mamashi Kishimoto's characters, names and sort of universe. Written in Naruto's POV.

Warnings: Thing is… there's a… umm…. SasuSai kinda _thing_ here. Be aware.

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TWO: _**C**_**oo**k**i**e_s

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Friday 5th

Day I

The moment, the bastard went to sleep I changed back to myself and deeply sighed. Transforming with clothes was too troublesome. I loosed the shirt and threw it on the bed.

Who knew he looks like a girl when sleeping?

I sent a short mission report, and sighed deeply. Maybe I should remove the pants too? No. No way. But its way too hot, with all the fur… damn, I knew I should have learned the new cooling jutsu.

I bitted his lip. Oh hack. I'll just hide the clothes and if something happens I'll grab them quickly, and nobody will find out.

"Mama…"

I blinked at the bed. He wriggled to the other side, his hair spilling on the white pillow. Heh… dreaming of his mom. Spoiled mama's boy. This is just too easy. Umm… Where to hide my clothes…? Oh yeah. Surely they won't notice it if it's under the surface.

I pulled out a plank next to the wall and stuffed it with my clothes and stuff. I blinked back at him, making sure he won't wake up. Bastard. I made a little crack so I won't forget which plank it was.

It was too hot and I was in my boxers.

Okay, off goes the boxers. I squeezed them inside too, and closed the plank.

"Uh…" Sasuke's hoarse voice came from the bed. I walked over there; my bare foots hitting softly the wooden floor. It felt good to be naked, actually. Quite refreshing.

I stared closely at his face.

He really looks like a girl. He has such a pretty face, no denying there- wait. Okay, I will deny that.

His lips really look like a pair of pale pink roses, just like Sakura's poem to him said.

His eyes shot open.

I blinked at first, staring into the coal orbs of darkness.

"Who the fuck-" he started but I yelped and ducked under his bed. He sat up quickly and looked under his bed – but too late, I already transformed into a fox, and leaped inside the blankets.

God, his blankets smell _**good**_.

"What the fuck was that? It's probably Itachi with his herbal tea again. It's making me hallucinate." He murmured.

He sat on me.

I felt a few bones crack down powerfully and my guts squeezing out of my mouth.

Sadistic asshole. He did it purposely.

"Oh." He stood up. "You decided to sleep with me?"

I attempted to run away, but it's the damn sheets, you get entangled in them!

His hand was soft above the sheet when he stroked me. He pulled me out of the blanket by the tail, though, again.

I hate him.

"I think I know how to call you now, blonde."

HE KNOWS. I'M SCREWED. I blinked innocently at him.

"Aiyoku."

What?

"Ai, in short." He took me to his arms. "Sounds a little bit girly, doesn't it?" His hands were firm and warm. When he put me on his belly and tucked me in, I settled in just perfectly.

His breathing rhythm, and the way I felt myself slowly raise and fall… they were just so even and… No, don't stroke me, bastard… it feels really good… ah…

…

…

…

"Ai, wake up." His voice was sleepy. It sounded really sexy as the first thing you hear in the morning. His hand sleeked down my body and his warm belly beneath me was really arousing. It took every nerve in my body to stop myself from purring. I wagged my tails, sliding them on top of his naked torso, and lulling myself into a deeper sleep.

"Aiyoko." He warned, and pushed me to the ground.

ASSHOLE.

I hissed at him, glaring a few daggers his way. "It's you're fault for being a dumb fox." I hissed at him again, raised my tails up and strode out of the room. He watched me go, smirking nastily.

Having a little time to sniff around I walked around the living room; it smelled like pancakes everywhere. No suspicious smells what so ever. I needed to follow the bastard around; I ended up roaming to the kitchen, from where the sweet smell came from.

Itachi smiled down at me. He was rather cheery in the morning, not to mention that he was wearing a yellow cheerful apron, with a big sunflower printed where his… organ of reproduction is.

I blinked.

"You woke up already? Aren't you a big boy…" he scratched behind my ear. "If I hadn't pushed him away from me I would've been late, he's heavy like a log. Right Aiyoku?"

ASSHOLE.

"You called him Aiyoku? Aw, Even though he pretends his best, Sasuke actually took the liking of you!" Itachi laughed, stroking me in his arms. I glanced at Sasuke who was eating his pancakes and avoiding looking at us straightly. "It's just that if we had a sister…" he started. "Mom said she'll call her that way…"

I frowned. I'm a man!

"Eh?" Itachi lifted my paw. I struggled a little bit but let him do it nonetheless. "But he's a boy!"

No shit, Sherlock. To confirm it, Itachi actually raised my paw to see for himself. I scratched him.

"It suits him perfectly." Sasuke smirked, his eyes meeting mine, like he knew something he shouldn't know. "He looked just like a girl yesterday."

"How can you tell the difference between male foxes and females?"

"I saw him in his true form."

"What?"

HOLY SHITS! I MUST ESCAPE! HE THINKS I'M HIS FANGIRL! Wait, wait! Did he think I'm a girl! Bitch. Asshole. I AM A BOY! I _STAY_ HERE AND PROVE YOUR BITCHY, SMIRKING FACE THAT YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER NARUTO UZUMAKI. And then I'm going to send you and your gay asshole all the way on the dick of one of your fellow cell-mates. Hehehehe…

…

…

…

_Saturday 6__th_

_Day II_

Morning hours after Sasuke's depart (thank god, he actually had missions and academy lessons) were sleepy and normal. Itachi would rush around doing errands. Like laundry, food, cleaning a bit and feeding me and his snakes.

So I took my time to investigate. Unlike Sasuke's normal teenage room, Itachi's room looked like a scary hellhole. In Sasuke's room, there were a mess on the table – In Itachi's there were no table, just a huge mess of papers and pens and scrolls, on the other side were built a city of books, towers of all kinds of books and scrolls with bras and boxers and thongs hanging from them.

The bed was dirty, messy and yucky. And the smell. At first, I suspected that a room of a junkie would look like that, all windows sealed, a real mess and it almost smelled like drugs, but then I saw the two huge tanks.

Two heads rose to stare at him. One pair of huge yellow eyes and white with black stains skinned sat an old, enormous snake. Another pair from the second tank, dotty, green-blue colored thinner snake hissed quietly.

The pale one hissed back. They started hissing between themselves.

I assumed they fought who'll eat him first.

I decided to escape. That freak-show Itachi, how could he fell asleep while these two huge snakes were in the same room as he was in? Oh god.

"Here you are! Not snooping around my room, now are you? Orochi-chan and Kisame-chan might get too excited… you know them, they eat everything that moves."

Note: never enter Itachi's room. Ever again.

"Here I brought you some food!" he put me on the table.

I blinked at the stench. Then looked on the plate. There was a dead rabbit on it. Oh god.

I looked away and jumped off the table. stared at Itachi. Itachi stared back at me.

"You don't want to eat?"

I mewled.

"Why not? I brought it myself." He proudly countered.

That's very reassuring. It might have aides.

"Maybe something else?" Itachi offered some carrot to me. I winced and walked a meter away. How should I say _I-want-ramen_, in an Uchiha language?

"Alright. Cookies?"

I can live with nothing but cookies, even though I might get fat. I wonder if they have ramen somewhere in here. I snatched the thing from him and started eating it slowly.

…

…

…

Enjoying late afternoon sun was something I found very relaxing.

But that piss-shit Itachi, which just came back from a walk, was lying next to me and smothering me like he wanted to have sex with me! How many times do I have to move a place to show you I AM NOT interested!

And his shit-head of brother hadn't moved from his room all day long. I hope he didn't commit a suicide. It's awfully quiet in there. Wait, a second!

I flew out of Itachi's arms and rushed to Sasuke's room. Please dear god, let him _do_ drugs. If he does drugs, this mission is over.

I tried to open the door, but it looked pretty heavy. It was kind of silent inside. It took me a while (and a lot of scratching and shoving and jumping) but I opened the damned door and got inside.

He was lying on the bed, eyes closed.

I noticed that he was panting very heavily. His hand suddenly slumped to the floor. It had a little white droplet.

HEEHE! He's going to die from an overdose of drugs! YES! YES! YES!

The only thing I have to do now is to confirm that the white stuff is the drugs and this mission is over! Oh god, this is just too exciting. I sniffed his hand, my cold nose touching his bare skin. It didn't smell like drugs. It smelt like something familiar…

Umm… maybe I should lick it?

"What are you doing?" he suddenly yelled, jerking away his hand from me. BUSTED, ASSHOLE!

"Ai…" _that_ huskily voice, damn him. He looked so dangerous, the half-opened eyes, the half-angry look; eyes of midnight sky. So Sakura was damn right about all the '_Your mysterious eyes_' crap.

"Sasuke, what-" hay, he can talk without actually opening his mouth. That's funny…

"Aiyoku-chan! Sweetie, I have more cookies for you- Oh. Brother, did you fall asleep?"

"Sort of…" Sasuke slumped back at his bed. I mewled at Itachi. Maybe he'll try to talk the bastard out of being a stupid bitch and- "You're so fluffy, Sasuke, should've called you fluffy-fluff! Ne, Sasuke let's call him _orange-fluffy-fluff_!"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!1111

"It's too long." The younger brother replied.

"How about just _fluffy-fluff_?"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

"I already gave him a name, Itachi." Sasuke calmly retorted, sitting up.

"How about we'll call him ginger-gingy?"

Finally, Sasuke snapped; "Get out of this room now! He's name's AIYOKU whether you like it or not! you're just waiting for a chance to ruin my afternoons, asshole-" why was his jeans unzipped? Why was he sleeping in jeans? Bastard is so weird sometimes.

I mewled and jumped on the bed. Gosh, Sasuke, stop being emo. And Itachi – can't you see he's drugged? What's wrong with you people?

They both stared at me.

I mewled again.

Sasuke's bed smells like… something weird… uhhh…. Why is it so fluffy and warm- **WHAT THE**- IT'S MOVING! OMG! OH MY _**FUCKING**_ GOD!

I jumped behind Itachi, clenching to his leg for dear life.

And then… this weird Sasuke-looking(but with short hair), naked guy popped up from Sasuke's sheets, looking on me and Itachi as if we were a big flying piggy with a pancakes on his head.

"You said there was no one home." He turned to Sasuke.

"Itachi, you said you were leaving for a walk!!!"

Itachi blinked two times. I think he was still digesting the fact there's a naked guy in his brother's bed. He just stood there mortified; the cookies in his hand fall down and cracked on the floor.

The pale Sasuke-looking (but with shorter hair) guy stood up, took his boxers from the floor (which I pass by next to and didn't even notice) and then his trousers.

Sasuke zipped his jeans, scratching his head. "Wait, Sai…"

That bastard.

That gay bastard.

That extremely gay, extremely asshole, bastard.

Thank god, I didn't lick his hand – because now, I'm sure it wasn't drugs. Fag.

Bastard.

Why am I so angry anyway?

Oh, right. Now I have to stick around with that asshole, since I haven't found a proof yet.

…

…

…

Itachi dissolved into dust and I hadn't seen them since.

He simply disappeared, evaporated, melted and dissolved, faded, gone with the wind. I didn't saw him leave, his room door was opened to the half just like he left it in the morning, no windows opened, no nothing. The only explanation is that he became the air. Hehe… Uchiha is gay; I'm _so_ telling this to Sakura. The cookies he left were still on the floor of Sasuke's bed room. Sasuke was watching TV in the living room.

It was already 11 pm. I hadn't eaten from 4 pm, and the bastard wouldn't move. I decided to take action. I sat by my little bowl and started mewling.

It took about 10 minutes till he finally shot me an angry look.

Yeah, that's right you fag. Give me some food.

I can't believe it, he turned back to the TV! I started mewling again. 8…9…10…11…12…13…14…15…16…17…18…19…20…21…

"Ai, shut up." That gay bitch didn't even spare me a glance!

**Declaration of war!**

For the next 10 minutes I mewled in a rhythm, as if to annoy him even more. He shot me another glare and smirked when he raised the volume of the TV.

_Oh yeah?_

I climbed on the sofa, next to him and started mewling. He raised the volume more. Counter: I started wailing. Retort: he turned on maximum volume.

God, it hurt my ears.

I bet it hurts yours too, you dick-sucker, so no way I'm backing down.

He suddenly turned off the TV, grabbed me by the tail and took me to the bathroom.

It hurt like hell, but I still sung out some horrible melody out of my foxy lungs, because, he's a bastard, and it's he's fault. He held me over the toilet, his sadistic smirk so wide, it would murder girls on the spot.

"Not so brave with your voice now, aren't we?"

I huffed angrily, struggling and wrestling to get my tails from his grip.

"Now, will you behave?"

NO.

"Good boy."

I bitted his hand so hard, it draw blood. The look on his face: priceless. The satisfaction of hurting him: priceless.

He growled angrily, throwing me away. "Oh. So that's how it's going to be…" he was still smirking, but fuck him. I stuck my tails high and proudly walked away.

In 4 am, though, I stuffed shamelessly the cookies that were on the floor of Sasuke's room. The bastard chuckled from his bed. I should've known he was awake.

Stupid me.

Gay bastard.

Good I wish I knew where Itachi kept the cookies.

…

* * *

…

**A/N: Hello, fellow 'fan-fic'er. If you are reading this, please do mind, that my mother language is not English, and that I have no beta. Thank you. :D**

**I also do like (too much) reviews. So please, be nice and leave me a review.**

THE SASUSAI-NESS SHALL MAKE YOU CRUMBLE LIKE COOKIES WHEN BITTEN!

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

I know it's short. But it's a quick update. Please be patient with me.

::bows::

Thank you everyone who replied, you make me so happy!

NS, my other current story is going to take a while until I update. I haven't even started the new chapter. LOL.

I like Itachi being dummy. I don't know why. He's a hyper-psycho on the outside while inside; he's evil like a rotten fruit! Ahhahahahahhahahahhaa!

Well, thank you again, everybody! Be sure to leave me a review so I can update once again!

_**As I promised, you got cookies! **_**Just one more for you, nice reader(Naruto is going to get fat one day… hehehe…)!**

**Bye-Bye!**


	4. Three: War

**F**o**x**_**Sp**_**y**

By Crystal Psycho

Summary: March 9th. I'll deny that we bathed together. Seriously, the fact that he stripped in front of me and then slept with me on the same bed without boxers is hard enough to digest. [SasuNaru, fox!Naruto

NOTE: Mamashi Kishimoto's characters, names and sort of universe. Written in Naruto's POV.

Warnings: Sasuke getting abusive and obsessive. Lol.

* * *

THREE: **W**_a_R

* * *

Sunday… Monday…? I have no idea by now.

Day VI

I haven't eaten for who knows how long. The bastard looks pale too. See if I care, bitch. He opens the refrigerator the twelve times this hour. There's some cheese there, it looks moldy, and he hesitated and closed the refrigerator. No food.

It been days since Itachi was gone. I have no fucking idea where he went. He might have killed him-self. Sasuke seems indifferent. He just sits there besides the TV. Sometimes he goes to missions. Sometimes to the academy. He even tries to train a bit.

He sent me a glare as if it was me who made the genius plan to ban Itachi from the house due to his supreme gayness actions. I have no shit how long it has been since I last eaten.

Yesterday we fought for the food. He chased after me all over the house when he discovered I had the last of the bread. It was yucky and hard, but I ate it while I run away from him. Several hours before that he was eating chips and I had to take it away from him because I thought I'm going to die without food soon.

He threw shoes at me, cursed and then started throwing kunai. Dumb-ass, as if I'd actually not know how to avoid. Although when I stole a sausage, he cornered me and tried to torture me by tying me by the tails to the bureau that stood in the living room. Abusive gay jerk-off.

I hadn't slept for a while. Afraid he might do something to me if I do. Tonight I went to look for food in the garbage next door.

It was _so_ humiliating.

When I came back, he stood there by the door, smirking his sadistic ass off, as if he won some important battle. No way I'm doing that again.

We're at war here.

I pissed in his bed though. I yelled and screamed for two minutes straight. He got so red it was almost funny.

I turned my ass to him and walked away in the middle of his lecture about me being a 'fucking animal that he shouldn't even bothered-'

Go bitch somewhere else. Don't you have a boyfriend or something?

He closed the door after himself, and locked it, to prevent me from entering his room. He's probably hiding food there. Damn it.

Oh god, I smell like something rotten and dead. Where's his bath when you need it?

Jesus. I'm so tired of this jutsu. From this mission. I just want to go back home and eat some ramen. I scratched his door from the outside.

"No way, I'm letting you in, little shit. You'll have to earn it." I heard his voice.

I mewled.

"Keep doing that and I'll lock you in the laundry room again."

Laundry room experience. I **don't** want to talk about it.

I shudder and went back to the living room. I sat on the couch a few minutes before finally deciding to get back into my normal form.

OH GOD THAT FEELS GOOD!

I crack my head and spin my shoulder, feeling that it's gotten stiff.

It's a little cold today, so I take out the white sheet from the Itachi's closet. I smirk at his snakes. They don't look too big now. But now way I'm getting a meter near them.

I yawn loudly, rubbing my eyes when I get back to the living room.

Ummm… there must be food somewhere… right?

I roam around the kitchen, opening and closing drawers. One can of sweet corn won't do, but I put it on the table anyway and continue my journey for food. I'm not going to eat dry dead-bread again. Let him eat it. Bastard. Halleluiah, its milk!

I sniff it and wince, throwing it away from me. It reeks really badly. The cheese. I sniff it. It smells okay. But it looks not okay at all. I find a package of some onion snacks. I open it and taste it. Ew. I toss it away too and open the corn-can. I gobble the corn from it within minutes as I continue looking for something else to eat. I open some bags of things that were kept in the higher closet. I hate beans, and their not cooked properly yet. And there's no use in hard pasta. But I do find a little chocolate bar.

Finally, a sweet chewing material.

Wah, their view are really pretty, you can see the Hokage tower from here and all the faces up in the mountain. The street in front of their house is really normal too. In my spot on the floor as a fox, I can only see the sky.

The wind seems strong today. Ah. The freedom outside this place.

Why can't he just use drugs already? Damn bastard.

Ah. That pale Sasuke-looking gay (but with shorter hair) guy is staring at me. Can he see me? Oh wait, I'm in my normal form! Shit, shit shit-

"Ai-"

HOLY JESUS CHRIST! NOT AGAIN! COULDN'T YOU GAY BITCH CHOSE ANOTHER GREAT MOMENT TO WALK IN?

Sasuke blinked.

I blinked back.

Maybe he'll just leave back to his room and never remember this happened. Yeah, maybe I should say that it's dreaming.

"You again…" he uttered calmly and took a step towards me. I took a step back. Before I could blink again, he already caught me, pinning me to the glass of the window.

"Who are you?"

"Uh…" I felt my heart suddenly increase his beating.

"What are you doing here?" he asked again, his hand held my wriest really tight. "Speak!" he urged. I looked away from his cold coal eyes.

Okay. I must escape somewhere. I could feel his breath tickling my neck.

My heart beat hitched even more. I could feel it in my ears.

What's wrong with me?

He growled and took me by the wriest. He started dragging me out of the house. "Damn it. How many times I have to tell you people not to mess with me. I don't want any girlfriend or boyfriend… Can't you just—"

"Oh, yeah. Like I'd get a meter near you, you fag. Let go of my hand, you're hurting me."

"You dare entering my house without permission, get naked, and call me a fag?" He raised his tone; he didn't look so scary from this angle, as he might've looked when I was in my fox form. Bastard.

"Look, it's not what you think. I'm not one of your **crazed** _fans_." I pause to roll my eyes. He puffs from anger. "It's all a big _misunderstanding_."

"Okay, then. Explain. I thought I saw you that night… Wait. Are you my fox?"

"What? Me? No! No, no no! Fox? Me? Ha! Hahahahahaha…"

He gave me a skeptical look.

"It's not me. It was a bad joke. I'm sorry. It's just that I lost a bet. And the loser had to-"

"You do look like a loser so I guess I believe you."

I could feel my blood boil. He opened the door. I could see the Sasuke-looking (with shorter hair) guy standing in the entrance, beside the gate of the house. He blinked curiously at me.

"Goodbye." Sasuke pointed towards the exit.

"Listen- I would really... I… my clothes-" Yes, explain why your clothes are stuffed inside the floor of his room, genius.

"Next time, if you want attention, try asking me out. And not writing love-letters like your girly-friends do-"

"Do I look stupid? What reason would I have to want your attention, jerk?"

He groaned, took me by the wriest again and dragged me out of the house. "Listen, loser. I don't really want to see you even again."

He slammed the door. The wind fluttered the sheet I was wearing.

Oh that's just great.

I can feel all the people in the street staring at my butt. Quick thinking. Quick. Quick. I changed into a girl as fast as I could and turned to them, my big blue eyes teary.

And started crying.

"After I get pregnant you leave me? You, _Uchiha Sasuke_, asshole!" I weep.

A few old ladies stared at me and gasped.

"You promised to merry me, you bastard!"

The Sasuke-looking guy (with shorter hair) chuckled and continued going to where he was heading.

The ladies came and put a coat on me. "What's wrong child?" one of them questioned.

"He raped me and now I'm pregnant!" I continued crying.

"Are you sure it was Sasuke Uchiha? I know him from when he was a baby, he wouldn't-"

I shrieked even louder.

The door opened quickly and he pushed me inside.

"I'm sorry, Auntie. She mistook me for Itachi – Ah. I mean… never mind. She's not really pregnant, she hallucinates. She needs to get into a mentally hospital, so me and my brother try my best to find her a suitable place. Right?" he turned to me.

I wiped my tears.

"See? All good. Goodbye now." He closed the door. I smirked.

"I knew you were a girl."

I turned back into a guy. "What, don't I look hot in both genders?"

"Okay. Now you're seriously pissing me off."

"Listen. Let me just take my clothes-"

"I don't care." He lifted me suddenly and walked to the laundry room. "HAY, let me go!" I tried kicking him, but he's like a stone. It's more painful for my leg than for him.

"Let go!" I yelled as he opened the window. It faced a huge yard and afterwards a few houses. He tried to throw me out but I held onto his hairs.

"Aw, you bitch!"

"Don't, I'll fall down."

"That's the point."

"No, I'm scared of heights!"

"Even better." He tried to peel my hands off desperately.

"Don't let go."

"Oh come on, I'm sure you can jump just fine- now fuck-"

"Don't! Don't you fucking dare-" I clutched into his shirt.

"You're tearing it- Oi!"

Think, Naruto, think!

"If I'll find your clothes I'll throw them to you- you'll tear my shirt-"

I must be stupid, but it seemed logical to me. I leaned on the window and kissed him. I felt my legs dangle as the wind flew by the two storey house. He seemed in shock.

After a second I banged his forehead with mine and leaped inside. He fell on the floor, growling. I ran to Itachi's room and turned into a fox.

I sighed deeply when I heard him running around looking for me.

It took him half an hour until he got to me.

I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. He frowned deeply when he saw me, and poked me.

"Ai."

I opened my eyes half tiredly, quietly mewled at him and put my head back on my paws. I'm just a poor, hungry, weak fox, bastard. Nothing more, nothing less. Come on, you're a sucker. Come on…

"Hay, are you really not a person?"

What a stupid question to ask. He poked me again. I turned away from him, closing my eyes.

Acting is one of my professions.

"Come out, I won't be mad."

Yeah right. I deny.

"Alright." I heard him stand up. "I'm going to bring some food."

…

**…**

…

Day VII

He actually gave me food.

Sasuke went to a mission today, but when he came back he let me sit next to him when he watched TV and eat his sausage.

I was really warm and really tasty.

"You like big sausages inside you, Aiyoku?" he asked. I didn't even look at him. He's just trying to see if I'm a person or not. Like I'll fall for that, freak.

There was a ring in the door, and I could feel him exhale breath. He stood up and went to answer. It's probably Itachi. Finally. Took him long enough.

"Sasuke-kun!"

"eh?"

okay, not Itachi.

"The Hokage wanted you to view these papers. So I immediately volunteered to take them to you!"

"Thank you, Haruno. You can leave!"

SAKURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!11111

I jumped to her and hugged her leg, as if she was my life. She probably came to take me away from this hell. Oh, Sakura I love you. I rubbed my head on her leg.

"Well, well. Aren't you the skirt chaser, hmm?" Sasuke takes me by the skin of my nape. "Or maybe you know her?"

"No!" she screamed. "I mean, I don't know it. Is it a he?"

"Yes. He's name's Aiyoku."

She giggled. "That's a girly name."

"Suits his girly behavior."

BASTARD.

She entered on her own. He growled lowly, taking me into his arms. "Damn…" I heard him matter.

"Eh, I have never been in Sasuke's house…"

"Hmmm. You want something? I have tea."

She blushed, looking down. "No. No thank you, Sasuke-kun."

"Alright. I'll finish these quickly."

She sat on the couch. I jumped from Sasuke and leaped on the couch, wagging my tails like a dog and rubbing my head on her hand.

"Naru-"

He sent her a look. "Heh… Sorry. He looks like my cat."

"I thought your mom was allergic."

"To dogs! She's allergic to dogs!"

He looked skeptical as he started scribbling something on the papers. "Don't touch him."

"Hmm… why? Is there something wrong with him?"

"Yes. He's mine." He sent her a glare.

WHAT'S THAT BASTARD? YOU WISH.

Her blushing face lighted the room with red. I rolled my eyes again. "He's actually a male teen, right? And you know his name. Means you sent him here. Because the Hokage won't ever sent you here only to make me answer this… medical questionnaires."

"I… I'm not-"

"Did you think I'm actually that stupid?"

"I d-don't know what you're t-talking about."

"Fine." He sighed. "Ai. Come here."

I stubbornly stayed in my place beside Sakura and glared at him. Sakura was fiddling with her fingers. He thrust the pages to her.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said and started walking towards the door. "I'm sorry if I was a bother."

"It's alright." He turned to the kitchen for a second.

She leaned to me suddenly and whispered. "Meet me on the bridge in 11 pm today."

The Uchiha spun to her and looked surprised. "Do I have to take you home?"

"No. I'm… Bye, Sasuke-kun."

"Please refrain from calling me that, call me Uchiha."

She looked down again, when he sent her a 'Sasuke-asshole-beam!'.

Bitch. She didn't deserve that! Asshole. I'm going to make your life a living hell. When she left. He sat by me on the couch.

"Ai… or Naru… or whatever your name is. You chose to be here."

His eyes were so serious I could swear he was angry at me for some reason. "You chose to stay, by yourself. Meaning, you chose to be mine. So don't make me regret for having you."

Oh man, what am I getting myself into?

Gay freak.

…

* * *

…

**A/N: Hello, fellow 'fan-fic'er. If you are reading this, please do mind, that my mother language is not English, and that I have no beta. Thank you. :D**

**I also do like (too much) reviews. So please, be nice and leave me a review.**

It's a quick update!

VERY SORRY.

I know chapter sucked.

Please forgive.

Somebody wants to be beta:D

I had two exams this week, next week I have two more. Sorry if it takes me a week to update, I try my best. ::bows::

_**THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING. **_**Cookies for all!**

**Bye-Bye!**


	5. Four: Pet

**F**o**x**_**Sp**_**y**

By Crystal Psycho

* * *

Summary: March 9th. I'll deny that we bathed together. Seriously, the fact that he stripped in front of me and then slept with me on the same bed without boxers is hard enough to digest. [SasuNaru, fox!Naruto

NOTE: Mamashi Kishimoto's characters, names and sort of universe. Written in Naruto's POV.

Warnings: A hot bath scene. VERY SHORT. ME VERY SORRY.

* * *

FOUR: _**P**__e_t

* * *

That bastard went completely obsessive.

I sat on the windowsill and wagged my tails nervously. He was wearing his stupid black jeans – which meant he was going out to somewhere important.

His gay friends…?

It was almost ten o'clock, and I had to meet Sakura in an hour. He kept sending me glares while he was dressing himself, as if he knew something was up.

When he left he said; "If I'm back and you're not here, I'll hunt you down."

I blinked more than seven times, trying to figure out what exactly was his god damn problem, before changing back to my body and taking my clothes out of the floor.

I dressed in high speed and ate some of the newly bought bread, since being a fox is too much effort, and I AM HUNGRY like a stray wolf, who hadn't eaten a thing for days.

I decided to 'poof' like Kakashi to the bridge, in case the bastard did this to trap me, and then he torture me and lock me in the laundry room (no, I still _**don't**_ want to talk about it, and I probably **never** will!).

When I got there, she was standing and looking down on the water, her eyes green like the ocean. Ah, she's such a beauty.

"Sakura!"

"Finally…!" she clapped her hands together before she hugged me. "How are you hanging there? Are you okay? Is the jutsu tiring you?"

"No, not at all." Yes, I'm a liar. It was a fib, I swear.

"Tsunade and I were so worried! After the first report, we haven't got a single word from you!"

"Well, I've been through a lot. I was starving, naked, tired, harassed, and assaulted everyday. It's not that easy, you know."

"So tell me, is he… you know?"

"Ummm…?" I leaned on the red railing and looked up at her.

"Is he… using?"

"Using what?"

She banged me on the head. "The drugs, dumb-ass! That's why you were sent there at the first place."

"I haven't seen him use anything yet, I don't think he actually uses any of that stuff. But I've got something else to tell you. Did you know that Sasuke's ga-"

"I've came to a conclusion where I don't really care. I understand him completely, he's troubled, there's so much stress upon his shoulders, and he probably feels alone, yet he's too shy to say something. I understand him. I'll be with his through all the process, we'll get through this together, and he'll understand, there's nothing to be shy about-"

"Sakura… why do you like him, even though he's mean to you?"

"He's not mean; he just can't express himself correctly."

"And when he glares at you like a bastard?"

"I didn't know he was possessive… that's probably why he pushed Lee when he went to school a few days ago. He could help it but feel jealous and possessive about me-"

"Or maybe Lee just stood in his way…"

"And that's why he hates all the other boys in class."

"Actually he doesn't get along with anybody but his boyfriend- Talking about his boyfriend, did you know-"

"And…"

"Wait." I put my finger on her mouth and glanced behind her shoulder. No way. Did he came back and noticed me gone? Oh Jesus Christ. Sasuke, leaning on the tree was staring on the busy street, like waiting for something to happen.

He doesn't look angry. He hadn't noticed us... yet. I sighed deeply, feeling reassured somehow.

A tall blonde guy with a black cloak came beside him after a second and they started talking. He was suspicious and kept glancing away to every noise. The black cloak and the red clouds on it made it look like he was wearing a disguise. But from whom was he hiding…? Oh no.

Is he actually using drugs…?

No. He wouldn't. It's against his hygiene and health codes. I won't let him.

"Asshole." I murmured before running there and squeezing myself between them. Sasuke blinked and the blonde guy cocked an eyebrow up.

"Ogabogaoga!" I yelled, making a weird face.

The blonde guy screamed and run away.

Well, that was a very _**queer **_experience.

Sasuke made a displeased noise and picked up what the blonde guy throw in the heat of the moment. "Shit, now it got dirty." He cursed and then sent me a glare.

"Why did you leave the house? I clearly told you no to." he uttered strictly.

I winced, looking away. "House, what house?"

"Is there no limit to your stupidity?"

"Is there no limit to yours? What's this?" I took his hand, waving the white thing in front of his face; "Huh? Why are you doing this to yourself—what the fuck is that?"

"It's a present for my brother. It's a sculpture of a bird."

"It looks terrible! The Horror!"

"And the guy that you just scared is my brother ex-best friend, Diedara. They had a fight he wants to make with Itachi so he gave it to me."

"Oh."

"You probably feel too stupid to say something right now."

"Shut up, bastard."

"Why are you spying after me?"

"Me? Spying you? Ha! In your wildest dreams. I'm a citizen of Konoha just like you are. I just happen to see you two kissing around here and got the urge to scare you fags. That's it."

"Jealous?"

"Give me one good reason to be jealous, asshole?"

Sasuke smirked, one hand on his hip. "Pets always become jealous when their master's attention on something else, no?"

I didn't get red because of him. It was the lights from the street that made me look like I was blushing. When I stared back at him like a gapping fish, he chuckled; "Alright. Let's go home."

"Yeah. My mom's probably worried sick. Bye now."

"I don't believe you. You're coming with me."

"Let me go, or else I'll scream."

"Scream and say what? I can prove them you're my pet."

"I'm just a regular guy! I don't even know you shit-bag!"

He looked really suspicious so I added; "I need to be back at home by 12, please let me go." Activate 'puppy-eyes-3000-that work-on-Bastards-too'.

"Yeah?"

Success. "Yes! I swear!"

"You swear?"

"Yes!"

"Alright, but you still own me one."

"I don't own you a thing."

He looked at Sakura who was peeking on us from the bridge. "Here;" he took me by the collar and kissed me hand on the lips. I could feel his fingers ghost over my hair. "Now you don't own me anything."

It was brief and hard, and before I noticed he was already gone out of sight.

Sakura fainted on the spot.

…

…

…

Day VIII

I woke up when I heard somebody sneaking around the living room. I knew it was Itachi before even opening my eyes.

"Aiyoku-chan, did I wake you up?"

I fluttered my eyes.

"How's Sasuke doing?"

Am I supposed to answer that? You bitch weren't home for at least 5 days, left me alone with a faggot and got me starved nearly to death.

The silence spread through the living room, the cold morning painting everything in a light azure color.

He started sobbing out of the sudden.

"Oh, what have I done? Was I a bad brother? Maybe I did something wrong?"

I sighed. Poor Itachi. I wouldn't knew what to do with a gay brother either. Alright, fine, fine… you're forgiven.

"I always taught him protected sex, but he keeps doing it without protection."

Are you_ shitting_ me?

…

…

…

Day IX

It was a sunny beautiful day in Konoha. Itachi hadn't actually came back home, he was apparently staying in Shisui's place – god knows what they're doing there – and not coming back until Sasuke apologized.

He left Sasuke a note on the fridge that said; "_I'm alright. Still angry at you. Next time, I'll stuff the protection down your throat. Apologize or stay forever alone. Love, Itachi-nii-san_. (insert here a lip-gloss print of Itachi's lips…?!)"

Sasuke throw it away with the package of sour milk. He acts indifferent but he actually cares deep inside. I can see it on his; 'WTF?' face that he did when he read the letter.

Today is actually 'a mission, train, and academy'-**free** day so the bastard sulks around and scratches his belly like a fat homeless.

Just a second ago he decided to go to bath. He was roaming around the house, sniffing towels (there were a few bad smelling ones.) and undressing himself.

I followed him with my gaze, and then went back to licking my paws. He suddenly appeared beside me and took me by the tails.

I hissed at him like crazy. Just when I had my moment of relaxation! ASSHOLE.

"You're right, Ai. You do smell bad. And you do need a bath."

So?

"I just got this brilliant idea…" he dropped me. Finally.

Inside the bath.

IT'S HOT! HOT! HOOOOT! HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTTT!!!!1111 Bastard!!! I hate you!

I tried to climb on something, but my paws were slippery everywhere, and my nails couldn't caught anything good enough to hold onto.

"How's the water?" He asked while taking off his shirt.

HELP! HE TRIES TO COOK ME! NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE BOILED! IT HURTS! IT BURNS! Sasuke chuckled again and threw away his boxers.

The Uchiha got inside the bath, dangling his long, pale legs inside the hot water as I struggled to stay alive.

"Too hot for you, baby?" he asked, opening the hot water to the maximum.

Sadistic bitch.

I clutched onto a shampoo bottle and exhaled some breathe. It was too hot. I couldn't breathe.

"You just need to get used to it. Afterwards, it's not so hot at all."

Easy for you to say.

I felt suddenly big and clumpy and wet. It was weird.

My head was spinning and I felt dizzy, so it hit the ceramic wall.

"Oh." Sasuke said.

I watched the steams gather around the ceiling and disappear.

"Liar, liar pants on fire…"

Huh?

"You even said 'I swear'… how nasty."

Hmmm?

His leg brushed mine, before I felt trapped between his legs. He looked down on me, only the tips of his hair were wet. That ignorant smirk resting on his face.

"You're a better pet like this." His voice lulled me somewhere far away and I closed my eyes. His hand touched my hip and went up, gliding on my torso and capturing my neck.

When he kissed my jaw, I finally understood. I turned back into my real form.

Oh that's just great.

"I'm so tempted…" he whispered.

I felt my control slipping away. Embarrassing. I blacked out from the hot water. He probably thinks it's because he was too hot for me.

That's just _super_ great!

…

* * *

…

**A/N: Hello, fellow 'fan-fic'er. If you are reading this, please do mind, that my mother language is not English, and that I have no beta. Thank you. :D**

**I also do like (too much) reviews. So please, be nice and leave me a review.**

I had a very busy week.

Sorry for the thing being too short:D

I didn't even have time to reread it. I hope it's alright. I read the latter chapter and found out that it's horrible! I'm going to re-post it fixed soon, after all the exams.

I'm really tired, since, I'm staying up late for you guys, to update it in time (there's a huge difference between my country and yours) ::bows::

THANK YOU FOR READING & REVIEWING_. IF YOU ENJOYED** PLEASE REVIEW. **_**Cookies with extra vanilla for everybody!**

**Bye-B****i!**


	6. Five: Elope

**F**o**x**_**Sp**_**y**

By Crystal Psycho

* * *

Summary: March 9th. I'll deny that we bathed together. Seriously, the fact that he stripped in front of me and then slept with me on the same bed without boxers is hard enough to digest. [SasuNaru, fox!Naruto

NOTE: Mamashi Kishimoto's characters, names and sort of universe. Written in Naruto's POV.

Warnings: Sai being a bitch… and that's probably it.

* * *

FIVE: **E**lo_p__**e

* * *

**_

Day X

I had the sweetest sleep ever.

It just felt like every muscle in my body suddenly relaxed. I had such a deep and quiet sleep; a real rest after such a long time.

The smell of burning bread filled my nose. Mmmnnn food…

I snuggled further into the soft sheets… they smell so good… vanilla… I slid my hand on the sweet scented fabric, loving the gentle breeze on the window that cooled my naked skin.

And then I jumped up, recalling exactly what made me sleep like that.

I looked around with the realization that I was naked on Sasuke's bed and that the smell of burnt bread still filled my nose. For some reason, my body went into panic mode and I quickly started to make the seals for the transformation. I was down to the last three when Sasuke stumbled into the room with a tray of food.

I blinked at him and he blinked back.

"Don't you dare to transform!" He ordered with a smug smirk and headed towards me.

Oh no. What has cruel fate planned for me now? To be murdered by him? Raped? Oh god, I hope it will be murdered, no way am I going to get raped by the bastard.

He ordered me to sit up and placed the trail on my legs.

"Eat." He pointed to the food.

It was a burned toast, a glass of milk, a pat of butter and a little chocolate bar.

Uh oh, he thinks he's my boyfriend. MUST ESCAPE AT ALL COSTS.

"You dip-shit used your chakra too much, and because of that, the moment you let your body relax was the moment your body fell asleep. I guess you are too dumb to understand when you're tired to death."

"Hey! Who are you to call me dumb? You bastard!"

"Your master."

"You're nuts." I placed the tray next to me and was about to stand up but he pushed me down. "Eat." He stuffed the toast into my mouth. I didn't want to eat at first. Something inside my mind practically yelled; 'It's poisoned, Beware!' so I took the first bite gingerly, preparing myself for the worst. It was actually okay for a really burned-out toast. I could taste the cheese inside.

I took me about a minute to finish the whole meal, and I started chewing the chocolate.

"Sorry for making you go hungry. I didn't even think you might be a real human."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on. I saw you. There's no point in hiding now."

I was silent for a few seconds.

"I didn't think you'd be a real blonde either by the way." Sasuke glanced at my crotch for a second before smirking maliciously at me.

I yelped, covering myself with both hands. "Bitch! Did you rape me?"

"No. You were dead to the world, and I didn't want you to get a cold, so you slept next to me."

"Were you at least clothed?"

"No."

You might think that these kinds of things were normal for horny teenagers. But you'd bewrong. No way I'll admit to having slept with him. Never. Ever. If somebody asks, or wants to know… say you don't know any Naruto that slept with any Sasuke because Sasuke is a horny bastard. And if you are a bitch and secretly talk about it, here is a warning; I'll deny everything. You hear? I'll deny that we bathed together. Seriously, the fact that he stripped before my eyes and then slept with me on the same bed completely naked is hard enough to digest.

Why torture me some more?

"So why did you come here in the first place?"

"What?"

"Did Sakura send you?"

"No."

"A woman of some kind must have sent you here!"

I looked down, feeling trapped. But it was the Hokage, dammit!

"For what purpose?"

"Don't worry, I won't tell how fucking huge your stinky dick is!" I snapped.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow; "Hmmm? It seems that beside just sitting there looking innocent while I was doing my thing in the bathroom , you were quite busy watching?"

"I was not!"

"You were."

"I was not!!"

"But you were!"

"Stop being embarrassing, I was not. Why would I?"

"Because you're a curious blond. Aren't you, now…?"

Naruto growled and stuffed the rest of the chocolate inside his mouth, stubbornly rolling his eyes away from Sasuke.

"When do I get to leave?"

"Probably never, since your mine."

"What's with that, you possessive gay freak?"

Sasuke smirked and leaned towards Naruto; "Possessive people also take what they want." He whispered huskily to my ear. "Should I take you…?"

I gaped a few times like a golden fish in a pink tank, hating the fact that he made my cheeks flush within moments. But before my mind could produce a good reply, his eyes darted to the right and the smug grin on his face disappeared.

Suddenly, two masked ANBU agents pinned Sasuke to the wall of his bedroom. He tried to struggle, but then sighed and slumped bonelessly back. "What's this all about?" He asked, as if I knew something.

I sat there, dumbfounded, blinking until Tsunade cracked open the door followed by a crying Sakura, a Sasuke-look-alike and Shikamaru.

She scanned Sasuke with a displeased expression on her face, before a gasp escaped her lips when she turned and saw me sitting naked on the bed.

"Naruto, I'm disappointed."

"Tsunade-"

"Sleeping with the enemy?"

I yelped, covering myself with the sheet, like some sissy-girl. "It's not what you think!"

"I think it's exactly what I think."

"No, really, He was just being a bastard-"

"Yeah, and you loved bit of it, you fag!" Sakura yelled, waving her hands at me like I'm the cause of the distress in her life (and I probably was… since her life is based around Sasuke) Sakura-chan…

I'm not fag - he's the fag, I wanted to say, but Shikamaru sighed, scratching his head.

"Naruto, you'll have to go in for an interrogation. You are under suspicion of cooperating with a drug dealer. Sorry to be so formal, man… Please follow me…"

"Wait, wait, wait… what's this all about?"

"Somebody caught this guy on tape making a drug deal."

"Drug deal?" Sasuke repeated, scandalized.

"Unlike you! Ungrateful, back-stabbing brat! This not-so-useless little shit came back with evidence." She pointed at Sasuke-look-alike.

"Sasuke's boyfriend?! But I thought-"

"Both Naruto and Sai?!" Sakura shrieked, sobbing into Tsunade's shirt.

"I knew you were a bitch, Sai. But you've gone too far." Sasuke growled to the smiling copy of himself but with shorter hair.

"Wait! I've been with him the whole time, there's no way he'd do the drug deal-"

"Not one, three in the whole time you were here. Just one was caught on tape." The Hokage corrected.

"Oh come on, he's a bastard, but he doesn't do drugs. Right, Sasuke?"

Sasuke glared at me. I winced. "Tsunade-baa-chan, you have to believe me, I was with him the whole time!"

"The whole time? How about when you went for a walk with Itachi, or when Sasuke left for school, or to buy something. You haven't followed him; you were completely ignorant about the entire thing."

"I was not- Tsunadeeee!"

"Did you take some too?"

"What?! Can't you understand he hasn't brought home or used any at all? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Get the brat out of my sight, and handle this shit to prison until his trial-"

"Prison?!" Sasuke's eyes bulged out. If the situation was not so tense, I would've probably laughed for hours.

…

…

…

Day XI

It's been hours since I last had my coffee.

I haven't slept more than 24 hours for sure. I have already witnessed three interrogation shifts. First it was Shikamaru, who like always was being the great friend he was, he asked the questions calmly, insisted that somebody bring us coffee, and refused to act like I'm a real convict.

Afterwards came a normal Chunin guy, I know how to handle those from birth since I'm an expert at making pranks and fooling around, so in the end the guy left the room crying.

Then came Ino.

She stared at me for ten minutes straight without speaking a word and started her very long and very tiring (let me stress that by this time I already was a few hours without my coffee) lecture; "In the bible, it says two men are forbidden to be together. Especially if it's Sasuke-kun."

"Sasuke is mentioned in the bible?" was my smart reply.

"For your information," she banged her hand on the table. "Sasuke-kun is not really gay, and he probably doesn't even love you. He was just troubled."

"Uh… if you meant to say that people who do the 69 position with Sai are troubled, then I'd totally agree with you."

She puffed her cheeks with anger and started lecturing me about not having morals and being a noodle-brain up until this moment, when I sit inside this stinking interrogation room, counting the minutes that flew by since my last cup of coffee.

"…Did you touch him there – in his- in his… you know-"

"Ino you're 17, grow up, you can say 'dick' or 'asshole' just fine without stuttering."

"Shut up!"

Somebody knocked on the door before letting himself in. "Sorry, Ino-chan, Naruto has his clean-up-and-have-a-piss hour." Chouji smiled to her.

"But I'm not finished with him; he was just starting to talk!"

"About how immature you are? I'll have to pass. My blabber is about to explode." I stood up. Apparently I forgot being only in boxers and in Sasuke's shirt I found out quickly while I was there. She screamed and covered her eyes, as if she'd never seen a man in boxers. I raised my eyebrow, following Chouji out of the room.

Crazy fan-girl. She must think the only one she'll ever see in boxers is going to be Sasuke. Yeah, right, like he'll give her the pleasure.

We walked for half a minute until I noticed we weren't going to the bathroom at all, I was about to ask Chouji where're we going, but then I noticed that he lead me to some dark room in the Hokage building. "Trouble-"

"-Some." Somebody completed the word for him, by the voice it was clear too. Shikamaru dispelled his dark-shadow consume () technique, looking extremely displeased.

"I told you passwords were fun, Shikamaru!" He giggled, taking out a pack of chips. "Don't be so troublesome, Chouji." He warned and turned to me. "Listen, we have only a few seconds before Tsunade comes to visit you."

"What- Why did we leave? I have to tell her that Sasuke and I-"

"Naruto, listen. She won't believe you no matter what you say. The one on tape was probably not Sasuke but a clone of him."

"What?"

"Sasuke's blood and system must be clean from drugs since he hadn't taken any in his jail cell and he hasn't shown any signs of withdrawal or being in pain. The laboratories won't be sure by tomorrow evening but it might be too late then. Think really hard, is there somebody who wanted to frame him?"

"Why would there be? Well, I know he's a bastard, but still…"

"Sai founded two bags of drugs inside Sasuke's stand. Enough for earn at least a thousand. Go to Sasuke, take him out of there and run. Sasuke doesn't have any legal support and his family aborted all their support on him."

"Itachi… did…?"

"Go now."

…

…

…

It took me a few minutes to slip into jail and locate Sasuke.

_His highness_ was sitting on a bunk bed, a dead-guy lying face down on blood puddle on the floor next to the bed.

"Huh, Mr. Officer, did you reconsider and came back to accept my offer?" It was sad how badly his bad-ass personality suited this place. "Oh. It's you."

"Have a kink on men in uniform, Bastard?"

"I really don't have the shit to talk to you. Sorry. Come some other time."

"No can do, I'm on the run."

"Really, great for you dumb-ass, while running away you seemed to end up just in the place they wanted you to be in."

I glanced worriedly at the dead guy on the floor. "He's just taking a nap." Sasuke reassured, and stood up.

"On the floor?"

"Yes." He pushed the guy a bit with the toe of his shoe, the body spun as a trail of blood slid from his mouth.

"He's drooling blood; he might be contagious or something, Sasuke. Especially if he tries anything right?"

"He already tried. And look where he ended up."

"I thought you liked being gay."

"Why? Jealous that I'm not with you?" he leaned on the bars. "Why did you come here?"

"I have a question."

"No, you're dumb. That's my answer. Bye now."

"Did you, or did you not make a drug deal?"

"What do you think?"

"The truth."

He diverted his eyes from me and then to me.

"Either way I'm going to rot here, no?" he turned around, kicking the dead guy on the floor in the process.

I opened the cell. He looked surprised somewhat.

Afterwards this smug, twisted smirk stretched on his pale face.

"Well, well, well… isn't this like we're eloping?"

"Shut up and get out."

…

* * *

…

**A/N: ****THIS WAS 'BETA'ED BY THE GENIUS OF OUR AGE:**

**Eien-no-Ren**

**Hail her.**

– Not Shikamaru's real technique, but I think he can make a big shadow over the whole room. I think. :S work with me, here… please:D

Lolz.

Naruto is in love! Nyahahahahhahhahahhahhahahahahahaha!

Sorry for the long wait! I've failed four out of ten courses.

I should die.

But I got to take a re-exam, because I made good excuses. Hail me. :P

I got lazy about chapter 6.

Sorry :(

THANK YOU EVERYBODY WHO REVIEWED, your supporting me makes me a happy author.

I have no words to tell you how much I appreciate this!

**Bye-bi, **

**And Get yourself a vanilla-cookie!**

**:D**


	7. Six: Prince

**F**o**x**_**Sp**_**y**

By Crystal Psycho

Summary: March 9th. I'll deny that we bathed together. Seriously, the fact that he stripped in front of me and then slept with me on the same bed without boxers is hard enough to digest. [SasuNaru, fox!Naruto

NOTE: Mamashi Kishimoto's characters, names and sort of universe. Written in Naruto's POV.

Warnings: Sai being a bitch… and that's probably it.

* * *

SIX: prince

* * *

Day XII

The morning sun invaded the house.

The scent of mold corrupted my senses, while they registered that my right side had gone numb while I tried to rest. My legs were so tired from last night's desperate race through the wilds of Konoha that I was unable to fall asleep; even though we had about two hours before we had to start moving again. The pace we set was too hard even for a pair of seasoned Nin. After all by now we must have ANBU OPS on our trail. My legs muscles twitched reflexively at the thought.

It was an old, single-room abandoned cabin. The silence from outside was relaxing and terrifying at the same time. The calm before the storm, huh?

Inside, a colony of rats squeaked busily on the corner farthest from him as if planning how they were going to take over the world.

It was a quite funny actually; the mice were quietly standing in a circle around a bigger one. The one in the middle was squeaking for all it was worth, while the others stared in fascination.

'It sounds familiar…If it wore glasses, I'd swear Ebisu sensei was on one of those snotty rampages of his.' I thought with a snort.

On the other side of the room, Sasuke was dusting the mold off a beat-up coverless book he picked up from the floor. He flipped the crumbling pages, making a show of staring at it and pretending to read, so we won't have to talk. As if I couldn't tell. Bastard. I really hate him.

My head slumped back on the wall with a dry thump.

"Where's my coffee…?" I groaned deeply. There I was: tired, coffee-starved and sleep deprived. It was a truly bad combination for those around me seeking peace and quiet… The poor man was in for a really rough ride. A wicked smile bloomed across my lips.

His bored gaze skimmed over me, before returning his full attention to his retarded book.

Should I tell him he's holding the darned thing upside down or should I pretend not to notice? Mmmm… decisions, decisions…

"Sasuke if you think reading a book upside down is good training for your blood-limit, please continue to do so later. So much concentration is giving us normal folks a headache, even the rats are complaining."

A pause. I snickered. Dark eyes finally registered the truth behind my sage words.

"Do you mind?" This time he threw the book at me with a deadly glare.

"Ouch!" I rubbed my chest where it hit. "Well sorry for being such a jerk to a jerk."

"Dumb-ass, you're not making sense."

"Wow, now that takes the cake as the lamest reply ever." He rolled his eyes.

"But that was even lamer. I can roll my eyes too, wanna see?" I drawled irritatingly. It wasn't me; I swear it was the devil inside me that made me do it.

"Not really, you idiot. I've realized staring at you makes one stupid. Until now I never knew stupidity was contagious but you made me a believer." He replied with a snort looking away.

"Now we're getting somewhere. Self- recognition if the first step towards recovery, though I don't think you can ever recover." I grinned impishly.

He stood up, and dusted his pants – probably out of habit, because he was still wearing his prison overalls.

"Mmmm… you're such a neat-freak…" I muttered covering a yawn.

"Okay, I get it. You're just clearly out of it. But we need to get going." Sasuke stated coldly, picking his half of our meager belongings with an economy of movement.

"You're always so cold, like a real bastard." That struck me as funny… and I giggled; "Then again that's probably because you are a bastard." The giggles turned into outright laughter. Oh man, that's really funny. I'm an ingenious jokester. Where's Sakura-chan? She'll probably have a laugh too…

He bent down, closing the distance between our faces with a lightning fast motion while crowding me in against the wall. My heartbeat thundered hard against my ears while my nose drank deeply of his scent. Mmmm… vanilla… I wanna taste it… wonder if it'll taste good with coffee?

"This is a statement of a fact. I can take advantage of what you so provokingly offer, my pet but I won't, since afterwards you'll freak out on me. I don't want you on my face for raping you, although you can't rape the willing, can you?" He smiled daringly while his eyes did weird things to my stomach.

"Rape me and see if I care!" Wait. That's not what I wanted to say! I think...

He chuckled cutely. An alarm blared somewhere deep inside the tired fox's brain, but he was too busy being mesmerized by a pair of twin dark eyes to pay any heed to its warnings. God it's so hot when his breath tickles my mouth… And that frown in his brow is so cute!

"Sasyke… you're such cutie…"

…

…

…

Next I know, I wake up buried to my nose in a comfortable and toasty warm bed, inside what looks like a well appointed hotel room, and the sound of a shower on.

Did I mention I was naked?

Yes, it's an important detail. I was naked again, in somebody else's place, inside somebody's bed. 'This is becoming a habit.' whispered the irrational part of my mind that was immediately suppressed with savage intensity.

My gaze zeroed in on the opened door of the bathroom while my heart picked up speed and my anger rose to immeasurable heights.

Alright, let's beat the shit out of that bastard.

Where are my boxers…? OMFG!

When I saw the ripped orange boxers inside the trash can, I wanted to scream.

Ahhh! He raped me! It can't be! He raped me! No! It can't! He raped me!!!

Hey damn it, why are you grinning? Stop smiling! Yes, I'm talking to you dearest reader! This is an extreme situation here you know? We are talking about my virtue! Turn on the alarms; call the police, the Red Cross and the army! The great Naruto was raped!

I buried my head in my pillow to cool my hot cheeks and regroup my thoughts.

Alright.

I stood up and wrapped my body with the sheet. It's time to confront this shit-hole rapist bastard. I entered the bathroom all with courage I could muster, flaring with anger. And then promptly fled like the coward I can be when I saw… his body.

Oh god, Naruto, stop being gay!

Okay! Fight! You can do it!

I exhaled a couple of times and went back in.

The steam created a magical mist in the room. The sound of the shower was relaxing, the shower door was anything _but_ clear… and let's stress the word but(t) here.

The view of his pale, muscular body and the damp, wet hair that stuck to the nape of his neck made goosebumps spread all over Naruto's cinnamon skin. Ah. That relaxed but familiar expression as the god like creature turned to wash the suds off his body made other parts of the blonde's body come to life. The transparent drops of water slid down his perfect pale body like invisible snakes slithering over their master's body. Blue eyes followed helplessly the route of a naughty drop in its descent, where it attacked it's master's neck and shimmered down the ivory column, to tease a perfect pectoral and continued on its path stumbling over a pale pink nipple, dipped into a shallow belly button, caressed a slim hip and was irremediably lost into a bush of dark as night- A pale hand switched off the water.

I hid behind the shower partition hoping against all hope that he wouldn't see me– am I embarrassing or what? God, I wish I could die on the spot.

"Why are you hiding in there? I thought you wanted to get a shower…"

Oh dear lord in the heavens, please just bury me six feet under, make me invisible.

"…With me," He drawled. "…love?"

I peeked towards the shower hiding my eyes from all the unpleasantness that is Sasuke.

"Call me love one more time, and I'll personally make sure you won't be able to fuck anything." I threatened emptily, trying to hide my obvious excitement.

He chuckled knowingly.

Heh. Bastard.

"Now put something on, or else…!"

"Or else what…?" I heard his damp feet hitting the floor, the rustle of terry cloth being unfolded, and the sound of skin being toweled briskly. "Relax, Ai. We didn't do anything. You are as untouched as you were before. I obtained some new clothes and had to get rid of the old ones. That was all." He stated soothingly while he continued dressing. I stiffened, stubbornly staring at the wall.

"Obtained?" I waited patiently behind the partition as he started pulling on his clothes. 'By obtaining' Sasuke probably meant that he killed somebody, dragged the body into a dark alley and separated them from their clothes… it was that or he just knocked them out cold before stealing. Perhaps he blackmailed and threatened their lives to secure their continued cooperation before deciding to kill or knock the victim unconscious… His overactive imagination conjured a thousand scenarios for the origins of their new clothes.

It's weird but secretly, I find that kind of quirk somewhat… attractive.

Oh no, gayness is contagious!

I went into panic mode when felt a warm hand on my shoulder and gently guide my body to turn around. Blushing, I whirled trying to control my body's reaction to his proximity. He was wearing what to his opinion were royal clothes. WTF?

"Go take a shower and wear your robe. We're leaving in 15 minutes."

"Why are you wearing that!"

"Umm… think about it, it's the perfect disguise."

"You robbed royalty?"

"Of course not, what do you think I am?" Thank god. "I knocked out their horse, knocked them out and left them naked in the woods."

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? The idea was to go unnoticed, you preening peacock! Not to have Konoha and an unknown Daimyo bent on revenge!"

"Think about it. We'll be living like kings for three more days it'll be like the perfect honeymoon."

"What honeymoon?! Have you gone mad?"

"If we're busted, we'll escape. Simple. We're ninja, remember? Now, stop worrying and go take a shower, or else I'll shower you myself." He pushed me against the shower partition, pressing his clothed hips against mine.

"I'm showering, I'm showering!" I yelled, my heartbeat thundering inside my chest as I scrambled to do 'as requested'.

"Coward." The bastard muttered making me growl but I did not dare to say a word. The tension was too much for me. Quickly, I started to undress and he left after a while. He was not playing fair and I was not risking temptation once again.

…

…

…

Before I knew it, there I was sitting inside a beautifully appointed red carriage. Sasuke sat before me, wearing a royal blue suit, a thin golden crown atop his snobbish head, on his wrists were swathed in golden bracelets and colorful rings adorned each and every finger. There was one word for him: Princely.

As for poor little ole' me here I am stuck opposite him. Stuffed inside the most hideously hot pink silk and lace robe that itches horribly, complete with cute little ribbons.

"You look adorable, my pet! ♥." He smiled teasingly, making my teeth grind.

"I'm going to kill you. This dinner you're talking about has better be good or else…!"

"It's a dinner fit for royalty. There's going to be feast in our honor, so it's bound to be good."

I growled, crossing my arms over my chest. He blew a kiss my way. I frowned feigning disgust for a second before looking away, feeling scandalized.

After about an hour, we arrived at Fire country capital city royal palace.

It was so pretty. I was so overwhelmed that I 'ah'ed and 'oh'ed until he made a jerk-wad comment, stating something along the lines of "You sound like you're having an orgasm, pet."

Mortified, I replied "Stuff it, asshole!".

He said that I'm being a dumb-ass. I retorted with a loud 'shove it up your ass!'

The rider driving our beautiful two-horse-drawn carriage slowed for a minute unable to believe the amount of curses that were coming forth from that one carriage.

We bickered and fought the rest of the way until we arrived at the castle's steps.

I stumbled off the carriage with a pounding headache, a messy ball of golden, silky fluff. While Mr. Cool Perfection Sasuke-sama held onto a servant's arm with practiced ease (wherever did he appear from I wonder?)

Feeling dizzy from the long ride, the room started to spin violently around me. A helpful someone caught me before I landed flat on my face. "Young Master, are you alright?"

"Yes, yes. Fine." I whispered, waving my hand.

Like a shadow, Sasuke immediately snatched me away like I was some kind of a teddy bear, and glared at the servant.

"Don't touch him. **Nobody **_touches_ him. Other than me, that is."

"Hey, assho-"

"Shut it."

"Fuc-"

"I said: shut it." He bit off.

"Don't you dare to scream at me-"

His angry glare said it all. I felt his hold tightening on my wrist until it hurt. I rolled my eyes and pushed him away trying to distance myself from him a little feeling my knees start to weaken and threaten to buckle as our wills clashed. Suddenly, he swore softly, pulled me into a warm embrace and dragged me into a corner, ignoring my weakening struggles and whispered curses. Corded muscles banded around my chest and arms rending me immobile between the shadows. The longer I fought his punishing hold, the harder his iron hold constricted my thorax and lungs, until I was unable to draw a breath. I could only hear my heartbeat and see the fuzzy edge of my consciousness begin to fade as my oxygen-starved lungs submitted my protests to his will. With my acquiescence, his hold relaxed and I was able to breathe again. His arms tightened reflexively as warm lips whispered against my earlobe "Nins. All over. Change of plans." I shivered, while my body relished the feel. WHAT?

There were ninjas everywhere, just standing there like statutes. Hey, isn't that… ANBU from our village! Hey, that's Kakashi! _**Wait a minute, its Kakashi**_! Damn it, we're so busted!

I clung tighter to Sasuke's beautiful blue shirt.

"Ah, your highness…!" A butler came from the castle and bowed so deeply he almost kissed his knees. He looked so surprised. "You arrived so early, your highness. We were expecting you in a week."

"Ummm. Yes. But I want to marry as soon as possible."

"What?!" I squeaked like a mouse from my place stuck to Sasuke's chest.

"Relax, Naru-chan. Not to you. I'm to be wed to Princess Karin."

"Eh?"

"Your highness… you seem different-"

"It's called poverty. Deal with it. Come on, Naru-chan, let's go meet my bride."

…

…

…

When one of the servants guided us to the Princess chambers, I could hear the ranting and moaning coming from the bride-to-be's room.

The servant was about to knock but Sasuke shoved him away, opened the door without waiting to be announced.

"Woman, we will marry tomorrow. Period. I am the next king, so there's nothing you or I can do about it."

All her glorious make-up was destroyed and lay in dark streaks marring her cheeks. Seven maids were by her side her trying to console her. To tell the truth, I would also feel like dying if had to marry someone like Sasuke on the following morning. Bitchy attitude and a huge, ego-maniac. Really, who wants that? Leaves a lot to be desired. The honeymoon idea?… yeah right. He kind of forgot to mention that it was his honeymoon with some frail princess, not plain, foxy little me. Wait until you get found out. This kind of thing is penalty of death material, sweet-cheeks Uchiha… and I will not bail you out. No way!

Bastard.

Argh. I hate you. And my ass and crotch itches like mad! These pink clothes will be the death of me! The bastard who invented lace should have to wear lace panties on a daily basis. I want to scratch it so bad…

"NO! I will not marry you!" she cried out.

"YES! This is not open for discussion!"

She turned around, raving mad and heaving with anger. Her disfigured features made her look a bit like a monster. Her eyes focused on the man before her in confusion, her anger gone in a flash. Blinked twice. Blushed really hard and immediately dropped in a dead faint. One of the maids splashed some water on her face. She came to, looking like a drowned rat as the maids fanned their hands over her face.

"You…" she blushed again. "You're nothing like the picture."

"Umm about that. Poverty did this to me."

"It sure did." She took her glasses from the floor and winked to him.

Time for me to run away; no way I'll listen to him and how he flirts with girls. I looked longingly back at the exit.

She gazed at him, taking in his appearance with obvious approval before she stood up and took at a run towards a hapless Sasuke. Batting her lovely, long lashes, she flew towards him, crying with relief like a pink butterfly.

"Where's my food Sasuke?" I demanded, tapping my foot impatiently.

"Right away, love." He replied distractedly, turning to leave. He never realized that he was supposed to catch the princess in his arms and kiss her passionately. And since she'd already hurled herself at him, expecting to be caught and comforted; she hit the wall, nose-first.

Women that throw themselves at Sasuke normally end up making fools of themselves, which she did. They disgust me.

Ten more minutes of fussing maids and ice packs to reduce swelling. When she did regain consciousness (which, I bet my kunai collection, she never lost in the first place!) she pointed an accusing finger in my direction.

"SO!" she yelled. "That's my sister-in-law?!"

"Yeah, right, hag. You wish!"

"Egad! It called me a hag! Something is seriously amiss with her education! Sasuke-san, " Oh god! Can somebody stop me from killing or maiming her? The window is starting to look, Oh so tempting!

"It's not my fault you look old like the bastard himself. You should go out more… it would do you a world of good to walk under the sun. The raccoon look is sorely out of fashion!" I huffed.

"Naru-chan, don't be so rude." He warned, but I could tell he was about to burst out laughing just like I was. God I love being a brat.

"Then you should worry about my food! You know I don't play nice on an empty stomach!" I barked, but he was only smirking. Damn you asshole! Damn you to hell!

"LEEEEEEE!!!!"

OH LORD IN THE SKIES! This really weird, huge-eyebrows and all-in–green spandex man slammed open the door of the room and practically assaulted Sasuke.

"LEEEEE, Youthful Son of my Life. Your FATHER has MISSED YOU- Argh… Lee?" me and Sasuke blinked owlishly.

OMFG. Tell me this is not Sasuke's plant real father! Talk about lousy luck!

"Yes, my lively father?" Sasuke answered like nothing's wrong. Oh no. I knew this was a bad idea.

"Sir, I swear it's his entire fault! He abducted me! I have nothing to do with it." I burst out, and covering my head with both my hands, ducked in a vain effort to save my life.

"Sorry about him, my very energetic father. He is my most excellent new playmate and as you can see, he is just bursting with youth."

"Is that really you, Lee?"

"Of course. It's just the strike of cruel poverty in the bloom of youth."

"Oh! I thought you looked different! Surely after a few weeks the flame of your enthusiasm and energy will shine true once more!" the weird guy laughed and Sasuke cool as ever followed with a fake laugh. Thinking about it now, it's probably the first time Sasuke laughed, no?

I finally came to a conclusion. Sasuke is **not** the master of excuses, he just expects everything to dance his way. And because everything always dances the way he wants it, he truly gets everything that he wants.

Well, not me!

Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby declare that I will not fall for that bastard's tricks! No way! Let him have and keep the butterfly and the youthful green beast! This fox knows better!

…

…

…

Awareness returned by the time I had finished the best meal of my life. Ah, maybe that guy isn't so bad, after all.

…

* * *

…

**THIS CHAPTER WAS 'BETA'ED BY **

**Eien-no-Ren**

**She's an artist of words. **

**Hail her. **

**:D **

Ah. Once again, sorry for the long wait.** ::bows::**

I got caught in 'Gintama' till the point of clinical death (yes, it means my brain died, but my body was still functioning. Isn't it sad? It's like that time when I started watching Reborn, or Kyo Kara Maoh.)

**Let's all thank Eien-no-Ren, who made this chapter a much, much, MUCH better than it was. (She's also a genius.)**

**Thank you everybody who reviewed, I WUB YOU. :3**

**You people make me the happiest person on earth and together with Eien-no-Ren make me never stop writing. **

But this fanfic isn't as long as I wanted it to be, and I have to get back to other fanfics. :S

Everybody who read this will get a cookie!

**You can choose between a Lee-cookie and a Gai-sensie-cookie!**

**REVIEW!**

**GOODBYE!**

PS. I have other cookies too.


	8. Seven: Alluring Circumstances

**F**o**x**_**Sp**_**y**

By Crystal Psycho

Summary: March 9th. I'll deny that we bathed together. Seriously, the fact that he stripped in front of me and then slept with me on the same bed without boxers is hard enough to digest. SasuNaru, fox!Naruto

NOTE: Mamashi Kishimoto's characters, names and sort of universe. Written in Naruto's POV.

Warnings: Wedding(?). Well, sort of.

* * *

SEVEN: Alluring Circumstances

* * *

"Mmmmnnn… Naruto, you feel so good…"

"Ah…! Sasuke!!"

"Mmmm… yes…"

"Get that thing off me you bastard, or else you're going to get it!" the smaller male screeched aggressively. For the record, he's using a super smelly vanilla-scented soap on me, while he attempts to drown me in this huge-ass Jacuzzi tub. There are bubbles everywhere. And the hot water and soap mix makes the scratches and cuts I collected from our mad run through the trees throb and tingle like a bitch...

Not a brilliant idea (who ever said Sasuke is a genius, I wonder? he's just a bastard. Being a bastard doesn't make one a genius, does it?) But at least we were able to shake those ANBU assholes off our tails. God, that soap stings!

"How come you have such milky skin, hmm, love?" A breathy masculine voice purred by his ear making him shiver slightly.

"How come you're being such a smartass, hmm, bastard?" mimicking his tone down pat. The Uchiha chuckled in reply. "Nee, Naru-chan, please remember to call me Lee and not Sasuke, it's very frustrating and worrisome having to shut you up every time you do." He warned, scrubbing a particularly stubborn spot behind my shoulder blade.

"Well, sor-ry."

"Mmmmnnnn…" Sasuke's breathing was dangerously close to my ear, and sent deliciously warm currents all over my wet body.

"Lee-kun!" her high-pitch voice buzzed over his senses like a swarm of killer bees. Sasuke sighed deeply and hugged me close to scrub my lower back. His silky shirt slid down my damp skin; taking away the last traces of soap while leaving behind simmering reminders of a touch that suddenly disappeared.

I couldn't stop the shudder that ran up my back.

"Lee! I know you're in there!" she screeched as his head shot towards the door.

"Obnoxious woman." He whispered with a frown before turning back towards me with a smirk, "I can't wait until we're all alone tonight." The Uchiha ran warm lips over my sensitive neck, sliding them towards my ear.

Ah! Damn him! A soft moan escaped my lips against my will.

The princess boldly opened the door. She was seriously blushing now.

"Oh, Sasuke, uh, I just thought that uh, since we're going to get married anyway, I should see all your body parts –"

Dazed I watched as a pale hand slid down my shoulder into the hot water to pinch my nipple. I bit back a groan. Bastard.

"Sasu-!"

A Glare met her heads on.

"Lee…" I rolled my eyes. The fingers were teasing the hardening while he stayed silent and I died of shame.

"Ah!" She almost fainted, but one of her maids caught her on time. "What's he doing here? Inside your bath? Why are you with him?" She demanded once she fully recovered.

"Naru-chan is mine, thus… he sleeps with me and bathes with me… It would be terrible for a pet to be kept away from its master, wouldn't it?" He lifted a wet hand to tickle my chin. I frowned and pouted, shifting away from him inside the water.

He bit his lower lip noticing my reaction, and looked back at her with a small frown. He was not pleased. "Is there something else you need other than satisfying your voyeuristic needs, princess?"

She blinked a few times, staring at me.

"No, I just came to check up on you…" She trailed away, still staring at me. She blinked and then blushed but she didn't look away. Her eyes seemed to trace my form curiously now. Huh? What is it, why is she staring at me? Do I have fake-breasts? Nah, don't come telling me that I'm prettier than Sasuke when naked… ha-ha… up your face Sasuke…!

"Is he naked?" She finally asked. I could feel Sasuke roll his eyes beside me. He opened his mouth to reply something nasty but stopped himself and closed his mouth. Curious, my eyes shifted from one to the other, wondering where this was leading to. He sighed before saying patiently replying "But of course he is naked, princess. Clothes are not conductive to baths." Even I could hear the bitterness clawing through his chest.

Her face turned a red so brilliant that for a second I feared her head would blow into pieces. Then, she screamed and covered her eyes with her hands while running away from the room.

I think my opinion of her just got downgraded.

…

…

…

Ah, this is the life!

I am inside a room big enough to fit my old apartment. I am lying inside a nest of sweet-smelling deep plum colored sheets on an enormous king-size bed which I suspect the bastard specifically requested for me. My stomach is full. The bath was warm and nice. I am even wearing dark blue silk pajamas for the first time ever. As I said, Life is good!

I rolled on my belly, enjoying the feel of the silky pajamas over my skin as they came in contact with the cool sheets and the soft pillows. Mmm!

Make it last forever.

"Enjoying yourself…?" Sasuke's voice said from somewhere above my head. I looked up; he was standing beside the headboard of the bed. He probably sneaked in just to interrupt my enjoyment and tease me. Well, I won't let him ruin my fun.

I stubbornly looked away, Ah, even my cheek felt great on the pillow!

The bed was so soft. I stiffened immediately when I felt the mattress sink from his weight beside me. .

"I wonder…" he sounded excited, that perversely horny asshole. "How does your body feel through silk…" his hand slid over my back to see for himself. I choked on my own breath.

God, it felt god!

But I shall not be tempted. If he thinks he's going to take away my innocence tonight, HE'S IN FOR A SURPRISE!

"Sasuke…" I moaned breathlessly, turning towards him with a blush on my face that was not feigned.

He stared at me for a second before his eyes bled Sharingan red and he practically dove towards me, covering my body with his.

Expecting his move, I positioned my knee between his legs and kicked him there. Hard. A pained curse crossed the silent stillness before I half pushed the man away. Smiling brightly I caressed his back nonchalantly as he writhed painfully... "Goodnight, bastard!" A hand shot to wrap around my wrist.

"Love, if you think that's going to help you…"

"No, fuck off-" Lightning quick, he sat on me, catching my both my wrists on a tight grip, like they were little bees interrupting him from his main goal. "Sasuke, I said off...!" I warned, struggling underneath him.

He lowered his body to me, watching my eyes intently, like a carnivore watching his prey, enjoying while it struggles and come to the realization there is no escape. His onyx depths pierced me as though, I was nothing but his quarry: powerless. I felt my body tense while the muscles on my arms and legs melted. I couldn't even move my fingers.

It felt as if I was trapped in genjutsu, the illusion of his eyes. His heated tongue darted from his mouth and as I watched powerlessly, it stole a taste of my unresponsive lips. He smirked, flexing his hips against mine while his tongue slid down my chin towards my neck leaving a trail of fire. My breath increased as my eyesight grew dim and still that perverted tongue pressed down to taste my skin over the silk covering my body. My mind's protests shut down the moment his tongue traced my nipple over the silk, biting it lightly. He slowly released my arms as I'd forgotten their use long time ago, his own hands gliding down my body, enjoying the heated feel of silk against skin. And fuck that felt good! Greedily, I moaned pushing my hips upwards while arching my back. I wanted more. I needed more. A teasing chuckle had me sinking my claws on-

"Eh? Sasuke, you into boys? Never would've guessed." A lazy voice drawled really close to my head.

I let out a shriek of terror and turning, jerked away as far as I could. Unfortunately behind me was the headboard, so I hit it and fell on top of Sasuke, who didn't seem pleased by the newcomer either. With a stifled, he fell back against the mattress, with me on top. Our heated bodies bouncing and grinding against each other as the bed dip and coiled under us. The silk over my body made me specially conscious of Sasuke's state of arousal as it pressed against his pants.

The blush spread over my cheeks with the speed of a fan girl before the man of her dreams. I jumped off of him, meeting face to face with none other than Kakashi Hatake our copy-nin. Well, not Kakashi… more like Kakashi's book, where Kakashi's face was buried into.

"Ah, Naruto-kun, you're here too?" He drawled easily as he sat down.

"Look, it's not what it looks like."

"You're personal bed-partner choice and experience is, sadly, not any of my business, but if you really want to share, I can always lend you an attentive ear." He sobered up and turned towards a disgruntled looking Sasuke. "Now tell me, just what are you two doing here making yourself to be the crown prince?"

"It's a top-secret mission." Came Sasuke's quick retort.

"Hmmm… never heard of it." He drawled, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Tsunade's orders." Was Sasuke's cutting remark.

Blue eyes studied both males while worrying his lower lip. It surely felt like two carnivores were sizing each other looking for a weakness.

"Never imagined I'd see the two of you… together…" he coughed, "on a mission." He paused, his meaning clear to all inside the room.

"I think it's about time for you to get the fuck out of here, sensei." Sasuke's tone was so cheerful it was scary. I shivered inside my pajamas.

"Something's fishy." Kakashi stared at me his visible eye peered into my blushing face skeptically. After a long pause, he finally aired his suspicions. "Sasuke's actually having fun on a mission. No matter how you look at it, this would never happen, not in a million years."

"Then why don't you send for confirmation from Tsunade-san? Just to clear things up…? It would only take retrieving one of your nin-dogs." Sasuke drawled with nary a pause while Naruto tensed with disbelief.

Is he nuts? He's gonna have the ANBU crawling up our buts in seconds! Damn it Sasuke, shut up!

"You know what? That's a great idea! Pakun was starting to sound like a broken record for want of something to do. I'm sending him to do just that. " He grinned happily.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go!" Sasuke ordered impatiently from his place near the headboard.

"I'm going, I'm going. Tsk, impatient youth!" Kakashi muttered as he rummaged through his pockets searching for something.

"Leave, Kakashi-sensei!" Twin red spots marred the perfect Uchiha complexion, signaling just how close he was to losing it.

"I'm leaving… see? I'm walking out of the door. Right, Naruto?" He offered his typical inverted grin, covered as it was by his ever present mask while he sauntered towards the door. He was definitely not in a hurry to leave.

I nodded nervously, warily eyeing the silent man near the bed. Silently, I started counting under my breath because I knew the end was near. Three, two, one…

"I said fuck the hell off!" Sasuke grabbed the closest thing at hand, a priceless vase and hurled it with ninja precision at him. Kakashi ducked with practiced ease, using the suddenly open door as a shield.

"Naruto, don't you have anything to report back to Tsunade? I mean, since this is an official mission…" Kakashi drawled, a devilish glint firing his dark eye before his silver head disappeared completely.

Studying the writhing mass of anger filled with killing intent that Sasuke had become, I decided it was much wiser to temporarily relocate with my perverted sensei. At least, he won't try to rape me… I have to stop him from contacting Tsunade.

Swiftly, I made my way towards the door. "Um, I think I better go with him, to help avoid suspicions…!" I rushed after the silver haired jounin.

…

…

…

"Damn it! I hate that asshole!" I cursed under my breath roaming around the castle after Kakashi-sensei went back to guard duty. I was too angry to appreciate the full moon tonight. If it were another night, I would have been in awe of the nightscape. The forest, the clear sky, the cold breeze over my face but no; Thoughts of the bastard kept my head to muddled to see farther than my nose. Idiotic Kakashi-sensei and his ridiculous ideas! He tried to convince me that the reason behind Sasuke's current actions originated from his long-held belief in his asexuality; therefore, he was probably going mad with sexual frustration and need.

"Sure, and just because he is sexually frustrated, I am supposed to let him vent his frustrations over poor little old me? Is he nuts? He may be hot, but I am not a woman!" I ground angrily trying to forget the way he made me feel earlier that same day.

Later, when I returned to my room, I found the bed completely messed up, all the sheets were on a tangle at the foot of the bed; bringing back flashing images of why it was so. Helplessly I blushed, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling my skin tighten with arousal.

A soft moan escaped my lips before I realized I was not alone. Movement registered from the corner of my eye, and I stiffened. He was sitting by the window, looking down.

"If you try to touch me, I'll escape." I warned with bravado I was not sure to keep. My instincts told me a completely different story.

"Alright." He said simply.

"Alright?" I repeated stupidly, blinking.

Well, that came as a surprise. What the hell is wrong with the gay freak? Did his fag-in-a-bag tendencies disappear? What? How the fuck? I was ready to…

"Yeah, okay. I can deal with the fact of your liking older men." He whispered resignedly.

"What?!" I practically screamed. "Fuck you, bastard! What are you talking about?"

"Don't worry. Starting tomorrow, we'll start a new life." He straightened resolutely, still staring outside the window.

"What do you mean?" I asked dumbfounded.

He stood up with a familiar smirk. Taking a step, he approached the window. It was close to midnight; he was breathtakingly gorgeous when bathed in moonlight. I had the sudden urge to see how his pale skin looked like when exposed to the moon. I shivered. The shadows made him seem even more slender, more alluring…more dangerous. Like a beast.

I gulped compulsively.

"I'll see you tomorrow, my love."

And with that he passed by me, and softly closed the door after himself.

Okay, I can deal with that.

I can _so_ deal with that.

I opened the door, without thinking twice about it.

"And where will you sleep, huh?" I tried to reason to the empty hallways. Damn him for always making dramatic exits! It's not like I wanted him in my room! I slammed the door shut, cheeks puffing with anger. Well, screw him! _Screw_ him!

…

…

…

Seriously, when he said 'I'll see you tomorrow', I was at least expecting to see him at breakfast. Instead, I was greeted by the Fainting Bitch and her Girly Maids. Obviously, that ruined my appetite.

She bickered about almost everything, starting from my outfit (I was wearing nothing but sweatpants) to my haircut. Mentioning in passing she didn't like me at all from the moment she met me.

'Huh?' Wisely I kept my mouth shut, because I was busy eating.

I am sure that asshole Sasuke allowed Kakashi to send Tsunade a message; I don't think we're going to stay here long enough to make it until lunch or better say, the wedding lunch.

She started preparing for the wedding right after I finished eating.

While some suspicious-looking maids took me by the hand and practically dragged me towards a weird room filled with lots of mirrors. Once there, these maids, fell on me like a pack of hungry wolves and divested me of my remaining clothes. Blushing, I stood before them in my boxers, ninja training forgotten as a really old hatchet-face orchestrated the attack. I protested loudly but was silenced with a curt "Prince's Orders" and that was that.

I was made to stand there like a porcelain-doll, prodded and pushed for over half an hour. Then during a lull of the torture, I happened to glance at myself in one of the mirrors. A gasp fell from my lips.

I was wearing a blue kimono so very pale, it was almost white. (Wait, isn't the bride in white?!); this light-azure kimono was unconventionally cut mid-thigh, allowing a good view of my thighs and legs as I walked. It was already distracting – which infuriated me. It's probably the bastard idea of revenge. Yeah, it's surely the bastard's fault. At least it covers my butt, I thought with resignation. Actually it had a veil-like ending that started from the obi and extended a few meters over the floor. The kimono opened slightly over my shoulders to allow the light azure undershirt, which ended with a blue collar to be seen.

If it was not for the thighs-thing, it would look okay, I guess. I looked around, thinking to pull on my sweatpants. I felt too exposed as it was but the more I looked for them, the more I realized they were nowhere to be found. I think the maids burned them while they were dressing me.

Oh gods! Oh, gods! Please, don't let me be flower-boy! Please, I don't want to be the flower boy! I begged pitifully to whichever god was listening to the great amusement of the demon inside me.

I look like a fucking bride! What if Kakashi sees me like that?! He'll tell the whole village! Imagine the look on Sakura's face! No! Oh, the embarrassment! Oh, the shame! What if he takes pictures? I wailed, imagining the laughter and humiliation, the shocked faces as they saw my pictures in this getup.

Since I already felt like a manga character, I tried to end my life by throwing myself over the window while yelling; "Damn you Sasuke you bastard!" But the maids, damn their hearts stopped me. Screw them, bitching maids.

Minutes after my latest heroic act, where I sat and wept, raging at the cruel fate awaiting me, the maids dragged me down the corridor and pushed me into some sort of hall.

Before I knew it, the whole fucking royal assembly was staring at me like I am the only piece of meat left and they are hungry. I whimpered, unconsciously trying to make myself look smaller. They looked even hungrier. Witless, my eyes scanned the hall, searching for a way out. There, my knees almost gave with relief when my eyes stumbled upon a familiar silhouette among all these dangerous creatures. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was Sasuke. My relief vanished.

Sasuke stood at the altar, his hateful smirk adorning his pale but handsome features; he had a red and black suit, formal enough for a wedding – but still not the formal traditional wedding wear required by this particular occasion.

I stiffened with a start. The wedding music had already started.

I have no basket, so I am not the flower boy… I guess I must start the procession. The bride will enter after I do.

Gah. Bastard.

There's no way I'm going to smile. Don't glare at me! Fine, I'll walk, but it's no like I want you. I groused inside, slowly making my way towards the altar.

Bastard! All the Daimyo are staring at my legs! Great. You asshole! Wait until we're alone! You just wait; I'm going to beat you within an inch of your life! Blushing, I ducked my head, trying to hide the fact that I was about to go Kyuubi on their asses. I shivered.

Perverts. Happy thoughts, Think happy thoughts. Sasuke covered in blood, happy thoughts! Sasuke sprawled in a puddle of blood. Sasuke sprawled. Sasuke sprawled on a bed. Sasuke sprawled on a bed naked. Sasuke sprawled on a bed naked, sucking- No, don't go there, Naruto. For there lies the path to perdition! My face feels hot enough to boil an egg over my forehead.

Finally, the surrounding excitement got to me halfway down the altar. Panicking, I stopped walking, lifted my head and looked around. My instincts screamed at me to bolt and run for the hills. Then cool reason returned and I tried to relax.

The one who's getting married is not me. There is no reason to panic! My feet started to move again but the closer I got to him, the brighter his eyes glinted, and it frightened me to no end.

Really, there is nothing to worry. I'm just the flowerless flower boy. I smiled at my pun, reminding myself once again of the true purpose of today's occasion, working on my breathing like a woman about to give birth.

When I reached the altar, I looked at him waiting for instructions. I had no idea where I was supposed to stand after this. Surely I had to make space for the others. With a breathtaking smile, he offered me his hand. He looked fucking beautiful.

At that moment, all I could think of was making out with him, everybody else was completely forgotten. In a daze, I took his hand, and he pulled me up next to him, before the priest.

"There will be a slight disturbance, but don't worry, love. Soon enough you'll be mine." He whispered against my temple making me tremble.

Huh? Something inside me echoed softly until it became a roaring thunder.

What was that? Yours, you say? _Yours_? You wish! You fucking dick! I opened my mouth to protest but from the same set of doors I came from the princess spilled in, wearing purple and white. She looked pretty, but still everybody stared at me.

He's such an asshole, making me wear almost white. The bastard drew lazy circles on my waist that wrought havoc with my senses not to mention laid my reason and my protests to rest in peace immediately.

When her mind registered who was at the altar by her husband to be, she winced and started walking faster. When she got to us she promptly fainted as expected. Sasuke smiled to the priest and nodded.

"You may start." He smiled, using his charm to the max.

"But-but the princess--" the priest stammered nervously, eyeing her and the royal assembly.

"It's alright, we have a substitute. A prettier one, too I'd say. Right?" he smirked at me, and took my hand, engulfing it within his bigger, warmer ones. His playful eyes told me he was aware I was dying to slap the smirk off his face and tell him off for being such a bastard! Only problem was that everybody was there watching us –Konoha-Nin even if they didn't know- and he knew it and used that against me. Oh god!

My heart thumped quickly and painfully within my chest. I felt dizzy and weak but I'll be damned if I'd ever allow my name to be compared to Fainting Bitch.

"Are you sure, my prince…?" the priest asked again, noticing the maids had picked the princess and had retired from the room.

Murmurs of confusion rose as everybody noticed the unconscious princess being removed while the king still cried, mumbling words about youth but apparently never noticed a thing.

"Yes."

"We gathered here…" I heard him going over the wedding ritual, but my blood was boiling. I felt my legs shake until they turned into rubber. It's my fucking wedding. This asshole had it planned all along! I'm gonna fucking kill him!

I don't want to marry him... Much... At all! Still my psyche warred within myself until a torturous headache declared warfare upon my body.

Okay, I don't want to marry him, period. I decided all of a sudden. I straightened, wanting to yell out something, but faking a concerned look; he guided my head towards him and trapped me within his stare. His coal eyes watched me as if he flirted with me.

Raking my body with his hot gaze, looking down, then up; for once being blatantly honest in his desire. As if he were shy.

"Do you, Rock Lee, take um… this… woman…?" Sasuke lifted a hand, not once taking his gaze from my eyes.

"Instead of woman say man. And please call me Sasuke." He stated on a strong voice that cut clearly across the room. He was past caring.

"Huh?" The priest stammered not understanding. "My prince-"

"Just do it!" The raven barked.

"Do you, Sasuke… take this m-man… to be your l-lawful w-wedded wi…wife?" the priest stammered over the words.

"I do." He replied without hesitation, his gaze never once faltering.

My hand sweated terribly within his. I noticed I was shaking. I was in a room full of strangers. Sasuke's eyes were burning intensely into mine but he never faltered and my heart soared.

"And you, umm…" he paused, when no name was forthcoming he proceeded "do you take this man to be you lawful wedded husband?"

"N-"

"STOP THIS WEDDING RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" somebody opened the big doors. By the resemblance to the king, it was clear that it was the real prince. Wearing nothing but boxers, Kakashi behind him.

"Oh fuck, Sasuke what do we do?" I asked nervously, struggling to flee. Adrenalin rushed over my body and all previous concerns flew down the drain. All my ninja training returned in a rush. I must fight. I must protect.

"Say I do." Sasuke replied calmly.

"What? Dammit, my weapons are in the room-" I pulled, trying to free my hands and escape. Expert hands thwarted my every attempt, making me frustrated and angry. I needed to leave! I would do anything to leave! I need to find our weapons. We have to run away, we must defend. We must hide! They won't take us! I won't let them! I can't let them kill him! He's mine! I was unable to move and I didn't like it. Let me go, damn it!

"Say I do." a voice repeated soothingly.

"I do what?" I asked confused. A small kiss was dropped over my temple.

"Good," My captor turned towards the priest. "You may proceed."

"What-" the priest protested before Sasuke's eyes turned into twin scarlet, swirls, which trapped the priest before pressing a kunai close to the wrinkled throat. The scared crowd started to escape.

"I said, **proceed**."

The priest quickly started stuttering out the rest of the ceremonial speeches, since the crowd was panicking, yelling and trying to escape.

All the women were screaming, and the royals were trying to evacuate the hall all at the same time. There were ninjas everywhere; the walls, the windows and the entrance. Sasuke couldn't care less.

I panicked, gathering the ends of my Kimono, so I'd be better able to escape when the opportunity arose. 'Surely this is a ruse… this can't be a real marriage… surely…'

"Sasuke, we really don't have time for this!" I warned, watching the ninjas closing up on us. We were trapped, I realized. Kakashi cleared his throat.

The priest, valuing his life, doggedly pressed on intending to complete the whole ceremony until Sasuke pressed the kunai a bit harder into his throat.

'That got his attention all right.' I snorted, as hysteria bubbled within my chest.

"Skip to the part where we're husband and wife!" He ordered.

"Okay, okay!" The terrified man wailed. "By the powers invested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife; you may kiss the bride-!" He squeaked.

Sasuke threw him at the ninjas who reacted instinctively to protect his life and caught the shrieking mess that he'd become.

I tensed, preparing to escape through the window but to my eternal surprise, I felt him hold onto my chin. When I turned to ask, he quickly closed the distance between our faces. Oh man! Can somebody please get him off me?! I can't think! That damned asshole! Mother fucker. Bastard.

His lips felt dry on mine.

It started shyly, his lips gliding slowly over mine.

I felt a certain need in the kiss, something that tasted of desperation and loneliness. The adrenalin surge must have gone to my head, because I kissed back, tilting my head upwards. Thirsty. Greedily. I buried my hands inside his hair, relishing the feel of it in my palms. He exhaled a bit, before breaking the kiss.

I felt a sudden breeze, and opened my eyes which I never realized I'd closed in the first place.

There was smoke everywhere. We were still at the altar; he drew another kunai from his coat's pocket and gave it to me.

"Listen. You have to find Itachi and see what he's up to." He instructed me firmly.

"Are you saying Itachi's the one-" I started to ask but he interrupted me.

"I don't know. You have to continue spying on him and Sai."

"What? Sasuke-look-alike guy?" I asked in confusion.

He smirked with a nod. "Now, turn into a fox, Naru."

"What? I don't think-" I protested, having an idea of where his plan was headed.

"Turn into a fox, already." He ordered firmly. I did as he requested, used as I was to following his orders.

I sighed and eyed him nervously; surely he had some sort of plan; so it was better to do what he said.

Before I could complete my transformation, he grabbed me by the waist, opened the window and threw me out. I tumbled head over tail a few times until I slammed to a painful stop against an empty cart. I whimpered, looking dazedly around. Damn it! Now my left hind quarter's injured.

ABUSIVE ASSHOLE!

I waited patiently for the din I could hear inside to be stop. For his ugly face in the window, but it never came. I heard splintering wood and the clash of weapons, steel on steel. Finally, Kakashi came out of the Ceremony hall, face buried inside a book. He stood in the middle of the courtyard, apparently looking for a good place to read. Deciding on a likely spot, he chose an empty cart to flop over to read. After a while, he sighed.

"Ah, Naruto-kun. Where did you go? Leaving your husband all alone like that! It leaves a lot to say about your character. What will Iruka-chan say? He never taught you that! Poor man is heartbroken, cold and alone in his prison."

HE IS NOT MY HUSBAND. Well, technically, he is. But it's not like I wanted him to be! He pulled a trick on me! I fumed silently knowing better than to let his sensei to egg him into answering his taunts.

I waited under a rose bush, blocking my scent and appearance.

Kakashi looked for me for about half an hour, and would've found me if the ANBUs hadn't taken out Sasuke. His eyes were covered with a blood-limit neutralizing blindfold and his arms and legs were wrapped with chakra depleting wire.

I gasped.

That asshole.

The abusive, dumb-ass, self-centered bastard.

He'd sacrificed himself for me.

I'm gonna kill him. After I save him… I'm gonna kill him.

…

…

…

Tsunade was having her dinner while watching the news.

It was a habit; eating sushi next to the TV; nothing wrong with that.

She was a _young_ woman (well, at least she felt like a young woman.), and eating food next to the television was one of the advantages of living alone.

She was just preparing to eat her seventh sushi piece when it dropped along with her chopsticks from her unexpectedly nerveless fingers.

"Now on to the Breaking News from Fire Country's wedding scandal." Her disbelieving eyes took in Sasuke standing at the altar, holding Naruto's hand. Then the camera somehow cut to Sasuke trying to kill the priest. Naruto panicking. Naruto wearing a… wedding dress? Sasuke kissing Naruto! Flinging a priest over the air? Fighting ANBU? Naruto flying over the window? Wait was that a fox tail?! Sasuke fighting embarrassingly bad before abandoning the fight and allowing himself to be held in shackles? And it was all captured on TV. Konoha's best doing its worst! Her belly heaved thinking of the political mess she would have to clean up. She was unable to hear the details the news-reporter stated over the roar of her anger, surprise and shock.

"NARUTO…!" She howled like a banshee, breaking the chopsticks in two. "Wait until I'll get my hands on you, you shitty brat!"

…

…

* * *

…

…

**THIS CHAPTER WAS 'BETA'ED BY EIEN-NO-REN, RULER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND PURE AND YUMMY.**

**HAIL HER.**

**Me: ****HI!**

**Very sorry. **

**In fact, I'm so sorry, I've almost finished the next chapter and about to send it to my beta as soon as I will. **

**This few weeks were nothing but a blur of unhappiness, panic, stress, and exams and built up anger about biology.**

**I'm very sorry. **

**:bows:**

**Now… now, kiddies. Next chapter is some kinky shit, come prepared. I'll just prepare here an anti-nose-bleeding kit for myself. **

**Here, have cookiez. **

**Byez!**

**:D**


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